enjoying the journey

i had a great jog this evening, and realized, mid-run, that for the first time in possibly, oh EVER, i was NOT thinking about the end of the run. i wasn't focused on the finish point. i was just out there, enjoying being running! it was totally amazing. i turned my head sideways, and noticed that i was fairly bookin' it, i mean, for me. sometimes when you're looking forward only, you don't notice how fast you're going, or that you're moving at all. hmmm. how many levels does that work on?

anyway, i always wanted it to be like this. and here it is.

i realized that's where the bliss is. it's in the middle of things. *finishing* my code isn't nearly as blissful as being in the middle of the flow of it. although finishing does give me a buzz too.

and the children. oh goodness, when the little 'un isn't throwing things, he's soooo cute. and i take great joy in just watching him discover.
similarly, there are few things better than having discussions with the 8-y-o over pumpkin carving. those moments are great to get stuck in.

last night the three of us were making halloween cookies. i work full-time, so i just got instant cookie mix. i really wasn't keen on m2 being involved, as i could see flour going everywhere, and i was too exhausted for a major cleaning session. so he slowly sidled up to the chair. then he sat on the chair and looked at me. then he just sat there, occasionally pointing to whatever we'd done and saying "ayuu-uh," his word for everything he doesn't yet have a word for.

then i thought, "well it's not like flour *isn't* going to get a few places, okay, fine." and i let him push a few cookie cutters into the dough. oh how he loved it, and so what if it was messier. he was having a great time, right up to the point...

that he sneezed all over the cookies.

it's a good thing i bought three boxes....

the birthday present from Rhonda Byrne

it was a typical monday.

i am not yet in the habit of gratitude journalling on the weekends because the w/ends just tend to get away from me. i blame the children. oh i'm kidding - i full well realize that i am still attracting the 'time is running out!!!!' experience into my weekends. and i will stop doing that.
i will
i will
i will
next weekend, as the universe is my witness i will make it last an eternity! or at least not make it slip away. a nice lovely long weekend is on my horizons. you read it here first. i'll let you know how that works out.

anyway, driving on towards my point. although i didn't do any gratitude or pray-rain journal at the weekend, i did do one today. at a reasonable breaking point at work, i whipped out my notepad and just wrote away. it only took a couple minutes to fill out the two sides of the paper, and it makes *such* a difference. once you go into that mindset, you get a bit chirpier, a bit of a bounce creeps into your walk, and the smile that had eluded your morning finally surfaces. oh i was smiling before that, but it was the smile that everyone knows is fake. the 'really! i'm serious, i'm really really pretty almost good!'

but having taken a couple minutes to really feel the feelings of where i wanted my vibration to be really changed the rest of the day.

i also thought of how i am already wealthy. that goes a long way to feeling your own abundance. what have i got that i used to really want? i now have the house i wanted for three years, the car i wanted for two years, a job i enjoy, the books i wanted, the computer i wanted.

and something smacked me in the face today that i had hoped for years ago. there is a 'techie' journal that i read occasionally, but the articles used to be way over my head. long ago, i had the intention that in five years, i would be able to pick this journal up and understand every bit of it. that day was today. i couldn't believe it. i read every article in that mag, and it was clear as a bell. a m a z i n g. it was so amazing it made me giddy to think what's ahead of me, now that i'm consciously applying LOA.

to be clear : i am not a geek. just wanted to point that out before continuing. i just understand that magazine.

but THE most amazing thing to happen today was weigh-in. oh yes, monday is weigh-in day, and holly was just attracting maintenance all day long. actually, in my really good-feeling-moments, i was thinking it would be great to have lost a pound, and felt what that was like, but i was really just letting go of the need to have lost any weight this week.

WHY? well, let's see
a birthday concert.
a birthday four-glasses-of-amaretto
a birthday cup of ice cream
and those were the day BEFORE the birthday!
on the day, i had my favorite almond-marzipan chocolate bar and a terry's mint chocolate orange.

then, on saturday, we had a movie with obligatory sweets, dinner at a place where the menu serves half- and quarter- chickens. (i mean c'mon! work with me here! i need to make it home in one pair of jeans!) then i had my favorite thing i have every year on my birthday. ice cream mushed into a cake slice. yuuuuuuuuuuuum.

did i mention i'd had starbucks on friday?

i also went running on wednesday.

but clearly, it was not a dieting-type week. but my mantra all week was what Rhonda said on The Secret cds. "i eat whatever i want and maintain my perfect weight." that was the best gift she has given me on that series. it's all gold, but this has been fantastic - virtually instant manifestation of what i want!

so that was my mantra all week and it bloody worked!!!! i lost a pound and a half this week! woo hoo!!!!!!

now before i get told by some readers that i can't really just go eat anything i want and yet magically lose weight, i have two things to say:

a) when you can eat anything you want to eat, you want to eat the right things more often than not. and when you're happy most of the time like LOA encourages, you don't need 'comfort food' like maybe you used to. but more importantly,

b) i think i just proved i can, actually :)

all the same, i got a whole pile of veggies in today. d'em's good eatin'!

back to form

okay. i think i got the sugar out of my system. today was a glorious day. nothing particularly lovely happened, it just *was lovely*. i had decided to just feel good, and did.

actually, i'm wrong, something lovely *did* happen. my code - the code that i 'finished' writing a couple days ago - had bugs. that's a natural part of the software lifecycle. there be bugs, so find them, squash them.

a HA, but the system is so complex that i don't really know how to test it. (i only wrote a small component of the overall system.) enter a, the stereotypical techie. he of the there is no software i can't understand community. and, co-architect of the system. my bug is preventing him from using something *he* wrote. but bless him, he good-naturedly looks at where he suspects the problem is. finds it, tweaks it, with me looking over his shoulder. it was the easiest thing in the world - particularly as he did most of the work. actually the easiest thing in the world would have been for me to stay home. but i did one better, i went to work and looked over a's shoulder. i love teamwork!

i am absolutely blessed by having really great programmers as co-workers. it makes it easy to deal with problems like this, as normally i can find the bug, but sometimes, like today, i needed help.

i have a really good rapport with my coworkers and boss, and that is the great thing about working where i do. it means i can have exchanges like this with my boss:

"holly, do you have any tipex?" (note: 'tipex' is white-out)

"um, no, it tends to get the screen all mucky."

everyone laughed, including, thank god, my boss. but i suppose you had to be there.

learning the lessons of a sugar high

note to self : ignore the sugar. attract more healthy food.

so after the indulgence of cake day, i have struggled come back from the brink of disaster my sugar-overdose took me to. it turns out that i prefer not having sugar. who knew?

why do i prefer not having the sugar? because today i struggled with the following types of thoughts:

me: "oh i feel great today."

the sugar: "you don't, you lousy woman you are fakin' every bit of this."

me: "no, i really feel the love. i feel my inner being."

the sugar: "that is *me* swirling around your system. and i'm staying as long as i can, and i'm going to make you pay! and once i go, you're going to wish i was back. ha ha ha!"

me: "okay, i am a competent programmer."

the sugar: "you don't know jack about any of those little things you're typing, you should give it up now."

me: "perhaps i'll just have a nap. that would feel better."

the sugar: "that's right. ha ha ha throw your life away in bed. that's what i wanted all along!"

then i got home, and it was:

the sugar: "how very nice of my husband to wait for me to get home from the parent-teacher conference he sent me to, show me where the food he wants cooked is, then leave me to a bunch of dirty pans to cook it in. charming."

me: "i'm busy in bed feeling love. don't bother me."

the sugar: "i'll just bang this pan on the oven. that will let him know i'm annoyed."

me: "you probably shouldn't behave that way. he has no way of knowing why you're annoyed. you should have told him to start the dinner. he's a man - he doesn't get it otherwise."

the sugar: "ha right! like he'd have cooked anything that wasn't covered with three inches of batter!"

me: "i'm going to go over here and try feeling the love again."

the sugar: "don't you want some more of ME first?!"

in the end, i'm hoping i won out, because i'm amusing myself with the idea of today's lack being because of some extra sugar floating around the old bloodstream. i have started flushing water through the ol' system, and hey, who knows what i could attract and allow tomorrow. i think it will be something great.

i *was* able, in spite of the sugar, to find humour in a letter from the city council. it was a reply to my husband's letter, which states why they are not going to do anything about dogs that poop outside our front door. their arguments were:
a) people who follow the signs they put up don't need the signs - they pick it up anyway
b) people who *don't* follow the signs won't obey the signs they put up
with logic like that, it's not hard to figure out that if there's going to be poop-free pavement in front of my house, i have to ignore the poop. that's my mantra for tomorrow : ignore the poop.

a truly fabulous annual cake day

although there was no actual cake. but there was plenty of other stuff. oh man did i make up for several hundred days of being 'good'. it's not that i've been depriving myself, i just like the new way of eating. but once in awhile, you gotta have an extraordinary day. i had cookies, a piece of almond cake slice (does not count as cake), and half of pecan pie dessert pot. yes, i know how to pack it away, friends. but i now have no trouble maintaining my perfect weight, so this will have no bearing on it. it was so gooooooood at the time. mind you, a couple hundred days without junk, your body doesn't really like to process junk as much. that's all i'll say about that. let's just say i won't be having another junk day soon. :)

but the day started really nicely with oodles of hugs from my son. and okay, no husbands or daughters said the "happy birthday" greeting this morning, but i was greeted at work with cards, flowers, wine and girlie goodies. niiiice. i shall have soft hands and sparkly lips for a good while. it could happen, i could attract more pampering in my life. . . if i wanted to. . .

and this was after waking up an hour late. i just felt like feeling good, and bed felt good. so i stay an hour late. no big whoop. what's amazing about this? well, being an hour late makes you have to park in parking lot number two. nosiree, i got to the roundabout 1/4 mile away, and thought "i'd love to have a parking spot waiting for me in the first lot." then i just saw it.

yup. it was there. WOW! this is really amazing. i know it doesn't sound that amazing, but it really is impossible to get a spot if you're more than 30 minutes late. an hour? no way! yay me!

and i even got well-wishes from my hawaiian friends. this reminds me of the biggest thing of all that's changed since i started seriously trying to apply LOA. instead of missing them in a "why oh why did i ever move away, why can't i be there, why can't they be here, sob sob sob" kind of way (they don't have that section in the card store, i checked), i now miss them in a "what a great time we had, isn't it great we still keep in touch, won't it be great to see them again" kind of way (although that, too, is not in the card store).

oh but wait. i work with 5 guys. very technie face-in-computer dudes. very nice, but not at all touchy-feely. well these guys got me flowers! how cool is that?

basically, i was showered with affection, love and good feelings today. nice one.

the code i have been working on, and trying to attract the end to, is DONE as of today. that was nice. wow is it nice. it turns out, in order to be competent, all i had to do was realize i *am*.

this marks a real drastic change from past birthdays. i won't give energy to it by talking about it but let's just say in the past i have attracted severe lack on this day. i love that i stopped doing that! let's all stop attracting birthday lack! i think we can all do this one day. yes?

and now i must tell my son i'd like to attract more sleeping-type behaviour from him.
and, of course, me :)

blueberry squash, key chains and RUFUS!

oh, but a lot of thought manifested today!

to start with, although i got a bit lax about gratitude-journaling at the weekend, i *still* got a call from my husband out of the blue, asking if i wanted such-and-such a cd. nice! yes, i *will* have them! a little bit of journaling goes a long long way.

then, i was given a bottle of blueberry squash (british concentrate that you dilute with water to make a drink out of). my co-worker didn't like it. now i was in the shop two days ago, spotted it and thought "hmmm...i wonder what that tastes like; i'd quite like to try it!" but i was in a hurry, and had to complete my shopping mission, which still included an assortment of peanuts for the guests we were having over, so i didn't stop. well this was a nice way to get to taste it. it turns out, i love it. :)

and i have a keychain that holds a fake pound coin for inserting into shopping trolleys while you shop. it broke midweek, and i was a bit disappointed, but not overly so. i thought i'd keep the fake coin, and see if i could make-shift some other key-chain combination, or just hold onto it in case i needed a spare for the next one i got. WELL! what was on the ground right outside my car when i got back from my shopping mission? a brand new shiny fake pound coin keychain, needing a fake coin! thank YOU universe! it was really weird, like someone bought it and dropped it next to my car on purpose! really, if someone is following me around with a 'candid camera' type scenario, could you just please tell me now? no wait, don't, i like this whole magic thing that's going on.

but the best thing was that i got to go see Rufus Wainwright in concert tonight. WOW he was fabulous! the reason his fabulous-ness gets a mention in this particular blog, is that i had a few 'flashback' moments tonight, to when i would listen to his songs and think how much i'd love to hear this one or that one live in concert. AND HERE I WAS! rufus didn't come to bristol, which is bigger. he came to cardiff! he came to me, to play these songs for me! yay! and so what if i was sitting in the nose-bleed seats! next time i'll attract a closer seat! i intend to sit closer to rufus at his next concert. there, it is done. YAY!

okay, i must sleep, for tomorrow is my annual cake day. and what a nice cake day it shall be.

my new coat of many colors

it's definitely becoming habit to get out of bed thinking 'this is going to be a great day,' and then to have a great day.

now last night i didn't post, but it was a gotta-practice day. hubby took daughter to see a movie i'd been wanting to take her to. so i REAAAALLLLy had to focus on how great it was that they were spending some time together. i *had* been writing in my pray-rain journal that he would spend more quality time with her. i couldn't now say 'how dare my attractions come to me!'

so i did have a lovely afternoon with my son. oh wow did we have fun. he is really becoming a lovely little boy. well he's always been lovely, but he keeps adding new dimensions to his loveliness. we shared a bowl of lunch, we gave each other silly looks out the corner of our eyes, and tumbled around the floor like idiots. hey! he's 2! this is how life is supposed to be at 2! and it was great!

the evening was spent intending to be this side of tipsy by the time bedtime came, as i had stuff i wanted to accomplish today. so i did not keep pace with our wine-bearing friends. i had one malibu - okay two malibus okay it was three small ones in cherryade but NO MORE. and called it good. and the amazing thing about that is that i was at the shop earlier in the evening, procuring snacks for the get-together. i had the thought 'y'know, it would be great if there was a cherry flavoured drink i could have tonight.' and when i picked up my husband's favourite soft drink, there was the cherry-ade! i thought 'naw, couldn't be', and checked a little closer. sugar free! we have a winner! (truth be told, i probably would have had it even if it had sugar, as a certain blogger's birthday is less than 48 hours away!)

so this morning, i woke up to the cute sounds of my son trying to get my daughter's attention. 'manya! .........manya! ...........manya! ..............manya!'
i drag my butt I MEAN HAPPILY WALK downstairs and ask "would you not please answer him?"

"okay, what is it m2?"

"hiiiiyu-uh" that is his word for.......everything. but in this case he wanted her to read him a book.

chuckling, i slammed a banana down and instructed them to dress themselves we were on for an outing. starbucks was calling me, as it does on sundays.

driving down, i just was in a really good mood, just because i wanted to be. we got to the car park, and as i was pulling up to the ticket dispenser, i said wistfully, "oh universe, i'd love a spot on the second or third level, close to the elevators."

m1 pipes up, "why don't you ask for one on the first level?"

"well, it needs to be believable, and i've only just asked."

i pull up the ramp and there is one smack dab as we pull up the ramp. wow! level 2 it is! but it leaves us a little cramped for exiting-the-car room. so i say "um, no, i need a space that is easy to get out of and close to the lifts."

next level, BANG! there it is! i'm amazed at the unusual number of spaces, and we get one next to the elevator!

we get downstairs to start our trek to borders/starbucks, and m1 looks at me and says "there's a spot on the first level!" why oh why don't we listen to the children? "wow!" i say, although i shouldn't have been amazed. i asked for one on the 2nd/3rd level, believed, and received. she asked for one on the 1st level, believed, and if i'd have just turned down the 1st level row, we'd have used what she received! constantly learning, i am.

still, we were on our way to a nice little nibble session at starbucks. on the way, i saw the sign of the sports business that has been going out of business, ALL STOCK MUST GO, for a year now. hmmm... i thought it might have a coat. i now need a new coat since i am constantly moving towards my perfect weight, making my old coat too large. i say "oh i'd love a new coat today, a colorful one that is kind of sporty." and then i think about looking on the way back to the car.

we have a nice time in starbucks, and peruse the heck out of borders. walking out with our purchases, it hits me that tk-maxx (americans - yes, in britain, it is tk, not tj) might have something in the area of coats. i never go in tk, but i figure what the heck, i'm not chasing time today. i decide not to care that the kids are running around a circular clothes rack, and i specifically decide not to attract someone to ask us to leave, or give us any odd looks. so no one did either. and the perfect coat all but smacked me in the face. it was vibrantly gorgeous. and it goes with my LOA red toyota car! how perfect! i shall get a picture uploaded soon. and the best thing about it is that it makes me feel like a million bucks - you want something, you gotta feel like it, and now i really can! it is my LOA coat all the way! and it was almost made to my exact spec. there are pockets all over the dang thing, and sporty? it's a ski jacket! i have always wanted one of those!

i can't wait to see what i attract with my new million-dollar-feeling coat!!!

a little bit of sleep goes a long long way

oh wow what a day i had. who knew that getting the right amount of sleep would so facilitate the LOA?

although clearly i didn't learn my lesson, as it is 1:06. this is the LAST time i will write after midnight. gotta be.

particularly after today, in which holly discovered that the combination of a good night's sleep AND happy feelings AND letting go just makes things rocket towards you. today i was given a birthday present - and it was something i had been wanting for QUITE some time, and the person could NOT have known it (it's geeky/techie, and i don't mention those things to her, she's more human-resources-y). WOW!!!

and some information i have been looking for plopped right in my lap (well, my desktop, which is on my laptop, which, yes! is on my lap!)

and although i have been mentioning code working for quite some time, the BIG test of really working was today. RIGHT AS GOING HOME TIME CAME, the dang thing worked perfectly. my coworkers are starting to tease me about my victory dance. why the heck not!?!

but the freakiest thing of all. it shouldn't be freaky, after all the things i've witnessed recently, but it is. on The Secret cds, when (i will have to look up and edit this post later to put the right name in) says he just visualizes cheques coming, i thought "hey, i want some of that." so i have been visualizing cheques coming in the mail.

what did i do today? i was holding a stack of cheques that had come in. a STACK. just like i'd pictured. now they were in amounts on the order of XX, and i really kind of wanted the order of XXXX, but hey, i'll take the XXs. they work too! the amazing thing is that i was holding a bloody stack of cheques, folks! this stuff works! i just really have to working on
a) getting clearer; and
b) the letting go - the allowing.

it doesn't just snap to. but the development is so awesome. i can't WAIT to see what's next!

and hopefully my son will sleep in tomorrow. OR, in the next few minutes, i will be able to attract a time machine to take me back one hour, write this post and go to bed. but that sounds like an awful lot of work for one day. i'll just have the intention that tomorrow will be wonderful.

i'll let you know. :)

a bit of contrast

i have reduced my sleep intake several nights running just-because-i-have-to-journalize. i have today made the discovery that it is at this time beyond my powers to do so AND be in-line with my inner being. that's not rocket science, i realize, but sometimes you have to smack yourself in the face.

now that's not to say there wasn't anything amazing that happened today. it's just that my idea of amazing may be divergent from my readers'.

i found that normally, when it feels like two different people are boring holes down through the middle of your eyes while you are merely trying to stare at your unfortunately bright monitor to work on the code you don't understand that much because you're tired, i am not all that happy. i mean, i have been happier. in fact, i can get downright obstreperous.

which is to say, the old me could.

new me, me-who-is-discovering-law-of-attaction, knows that
a) shouting things at the monitor attracts more of the bad feelings;
b) it doesn't actually make the code work; and
c) it is much nicer to just close my eyes. i don't have to be 100% on, 100% of the time. it's nice to, but not life-threatening.

and so, for me, it was amazing that i very calmly went about continuing to solve my code. and when i started to again have the 'oh it turns out i'm not actually as clever as i had hoped' thoughts, i immediately inserted the 'now wait a minute. you can do this.' thoughts.

and so, later, when the code was solved with a minimum of restructuring, i felt very very good indeed. someone was still boring holes in my eyes with some sort of tool. i'm not a man, so i don't know or care what the tool would be called, but something was working my eyes, i'm sure of it. but apart from the eye pain, i felt great. i AM smart enough to do that job. and i will keep enjoying the job until such time as i attract that way to stay home with my kids and still have a great income. i'm sure it's coming.

however, it isn't alllllll roses.

i got home. and even though i did my daily gratitude journal, i was sleep-short-changed. so there were comments, and there was disappreciation. yes, i'm sorry, i know you all won't think it's a word, but i was disappreciated.

then there was some less than stellar behaviour from me. some ignoring, some shutting-some-cupboards-a-little-loudly.

but then, after the last kid had been sent up to bed and cuddled, i had a bath. who knew that a bath could bring about such well-being! never, in the history of baths, has there been such a relaxing bath that didn't result in death. i emerged from that bath wholly rejuvenated! the eye pain went away. the tiredness went away. i had new ideas for stories!

and on the way upstairs, i even blessed my husband!

in my head.

so even though i had a substandard day, it was still great in that i managed to pull out a victory at work, and a return to form in the evening. this is my new bad! it's good!

and now, i think i shall begin the trend reversal, and start attracting back a good night's sleep.

i was answered!

the other day i asked 'any ideas' to the universe, regarding my friend-and-daughter dilemma.

yesterday, this was the quote on Abraham-Hicks website.
"The best thing you could do for anyone that you love, is be happy! And the very worst thing that you could do for anyone that you love, is be unhappy, and then ask them to to try to change it, when there is nothing that anybody else can do that will make you happy. If it is your dominant intent to hold yourself in vibrational harmony with who you really are, you could never offer any action that would cause anybody else to be unhappy. --- Abraham"

how totally awesome is that. i had to say to myself, "self, duh!" then i said "hey thanks! that's awesome, and feels so good."

okay, but i'm going to look a tad silly when she says to me "oh do believe she did this!" and i just sit there, being happy. that will probably be quite awkward, unless i say "hey what's that over there?" a lot more. she's quite clever, though, and i think she will catch on to that rather quickly.

but i CAN set this intention forth right now : when the subject comes up, i will have the perfect way to make light of it. this friend has a great sense of humour, and i have diffused other situations with humour. so be it now with this issue.

========
here's something fun i just did. i didn't mean to do it, i just did it. or rather, it just did itself while i was sitting there. ANYWAY, look at yourself five years ago, in your mind. hold it for a moment, the fireplace, the bookshelf, the dinner. now open your eyes and see what *today* is. very different, isn't it?

now do this: look at yourself five years from now. look at the fantastic thing you will have. the book you will be reading, but look at it as if it is the now you were looking back from in the previous exercise. make your future self be your now self. THAT is fun! and what a glimpse into your manifested life! unless you accidentally visualized hamburgers that eat people. that would not be a great future. leave that be.

and now i'm going to manifest me some sleep. :)

how do you spell relief

i listened to "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" cd again today. i felt it sink deeper into my brain, and carried the message further into the day. i really felt relaxed mostly. one of the main messages of the cd is

let go

i have been trying all month to focus on abundance, particularly in the face of a certain bill that i'm not going to draw more energy to, and a certain balance that i won't draw more energy to. yesterday i was trying to interpret the data differently.

but that was the problem.

i was trying. as the cd says, trying is upstream.

today, i let go, and felt the relief of not paddling.

for starters, the relief feels really good. really really good.

but also, with the relief comes more amazing things. like things at work that make sense all of a sudden.

AND

second opinions from different weight watcher people. no, crazy monday night person, i did not run in a 10k and then put on 2.5 pounds. it just did not happen that way. this was verified by lovely tuesday night person. woo hoo!

AND

fairly large amounts of money coming into my experience. we got a very large cheque today (THANK YOU! WOO HOO!), which wipes out the need for me to try any interpreting or visualizing or anything. only relaxed visualizations from now on! i'm not even going to try! i'm just going to relax into my happiness.

i also got a little birthday money (MORE THANKS AND MORE WOO HOO!!!) today.

it's TRUE ms. langmeier, money comes easily and frequently!

and all i had to do was let go!

i also had a realization tonight. i walked up to the shop around the corner. with the kiddos. it was raining a bit, and we didn't care. i didn't make a big issue out of them going to catch colds. i never really believed that getting wet would make you catch a cold, otherwise bath days would be tricky, and swimming wouldn't be as fun. what was fun was walking there in the rain with my kiddies. whenever m2 would stomp a puddle, i'd say "stop that!" in a mock voice that would make them both giggle. it was the most fun a walk to the shop could be. the realization is that instead of wishing my life away to finding myself at the gates of abundance, i should be enjoying the absolute h£ll out of these moments. THEY feel really good. they are why i had children, what i wanted out of life. well half : truth be told i wanted to be rich and have kids. halfway there!

i am halfway there.

OHHHH yes, there should be a funny bit. my posts have been not-as-funny recently, and although the point *isn't* to be funny, i just like it better when we're all entertained. SO, how about a combination of amazing and funny?

i meant to call mom (hi mom) because i am bored bored BORED of her not getting my emails, so i set a web-based one up for her. dialled the number. strangely, my husband answers. husband! what are you doing at my mother's house?! oh, wait, that was *my* number. hi husband!

"sorry, i dialled the wrong number."

"no, you didn't."

"okay, i didn't. hi! how are you?"

"fine. do you want the good news or the bad news?"

okay, my reaction to this is key. LOA responds to your vibrational response to things. so i think "well, i can calm myself to prepare, and receive the bad news and get it out of the way. but wait. i'm the kind of person that likes good news first now. let's go for that. but wait. if i get the good news first, then i only have bad news left. but wait. the bad news won't matter because i'm going to respond appropriately. oh criminently, just get the news!"

"give me the good news."

"i'm going to give you the bad news first."

okay. then the amazing. i prepare to NOT react to whatever it is he is going to say. it just will be what it will be.

"i bought a lottery ticket today and did not win."

"that's the bad news?"

"yes. the good news is we got a large cheque in the post."

how utterly fantastic is that. my husband, who has been starring in my gratitude journal (thanks v!), has given me fantastic bad news and fantastic good news. i had thought that maybe i should tell him exactly what constitutes bad news, but then i realized he gave me a completely wonderful gift. he gave me perspective. the next time ANYONE says they have bad news for me, i'm going to picture my husband with a losing lottery ticket. that is fantastic. because it is not bad at all. it's fantastically moot. that's how i'd like all my bad news to be in future - inane. YAY for mediocrity! woo hoo for insignificance! i love you!

i LOVE letting go!

dropping the oars

today had some amazing moments.

to start off with, driving to work, i popped *out* 'The Secret' cd. and i popped *in* 'The
Astonishing Power of Emotions'. i like to mix it up a bit, so that i don't become complacent and
get sloppy by not really listening to something that i just hear over and
over.

the story of jerry and esther putting their boat in the river really
resonated with me today. they went white-water rafting in colorado, and compared it to law of attraction. you can work your butt off paddling upstream, or you can just feel good and let the current take you to where you want to go.
it occurred to me that i'm trying all this stuff WAY too hard. i'm wanting all the abundance and all the home stuff to change now. i'm paddling upstream! i decided that i'm going to just let go. i'm going to just feel good and that's that. sure, i want stuff. i will still launch, as abraham says, the 'little rockets of desire'. but i'm going to try to stop paddling. in fact, trying is paddling, so i'm not going to try. i'm just going to stop paddling. she says.

well, today at work, it was almost like magic. there was a program i was working on, and all my paddling wasn't making the dang thing work properly. i had even lost some code i was working on, when i was trying to synchronize my files with the group's files. and i was getting close to being annoyed, which really wasn't going to make it work properly. so i stopped. i did something that made me feel good. and i just sat there feeling good for awhile. i think i went to a few funny websites, and i think i imagined some things i wanted.

i went back to the code. that code i lost? it was there.
as
if
by
magic!

the other thing that happened today that was really weird was that there was this animation that a co-worker showed us. it's of a spinning dancer. if you saw it as spinning clockwise, you're right brained, apparently. if you saw it as anti-clockwise, you're left brained. of course, genius was assigned to those who saw both.

well the boys all saw the counter-clockwise one. and a couple of them flipped back and forth. i saw only clockwise. not wanting to be the only non-genius on the software team, i jokingly said 'you are just teasing me, you don't see it counter-clockwise at all!' they all giggled.

i sat at my desk, and just smiled at the animation.
oh
my
goodness:
i SAW it counter-clockwise!! i couldn't believe it. it was so weird! if you've ever had a moment where you were totally disoriented, it was very similar to that. i am starting to have more and more of those perspective-shifts, and i am loving them.

and maybe,

just maybe,

i am a genius too!

then i got to lunch. and it struck me. i saw what i *wanted* to see. which way was the truth? they both were. it's a 2d image series, and our brains interpret it whatever way we want to. that means i can interpret things the way i want to. up to recently, i have been interpreting my life a certain way. and while that was okay, i'm now starting to interpret life in a new way, and things are moving towards my new perspective. this idea from 'The Secret' cds that you must 'feel the feeling of having it now' is possible if you realize that you can interpret life the way you want to.

financially, this is not the best month we've had so far. i have been struggling to see myself as abundant this month. however, let's compare it to when i was first out of college. is the amount we have right now comparatively abundant? heck yeah! good lord i've got a ton of money! i thought about this on the way home. and when i *got* home, i had a pound in my pocket that i am unable to explain. i had no pound earlier today. i got money out of the cash machine, but never broke the paper. so by all rights, i should have no change. yet, there it was. i got a pound! i'm rich! yay!

money is flowing to me quickly and easily; and
i am a genius.

that's a good day.

and yes, one of these days i will get this post done early enough that i can do proper links in the message. my bad.

you win some, you don't finish some

all i had to do was not have that 1st glass of wine.

all i had to do was not have that 2nd glass of wine.

all i (hic) had to do was (hic) not have that 3rd glass of wine.

all i (hic) had to do was what are you lookin' at.

yes, it was 10k race day today. how did i prepare? well i had a nice dinner at my friend's house the evening before. we had a simply lovely time. kids all played quietly, men all watched rugby quietly, women all joked loudly and made fun of the rugby and then talked about the french rugby players as if our husbands weren't in the room.

but we were home a bit early, so i thought "hey no problem!" i downed a pill and a big glass of water, and then went to bed. i had the intention not to throw up all night. then i had the intention to get to the race on time. i have had the intention for weeks to do the race in 1:05.
ha
ha
ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha!

oh boy.

it was actually quite fine, i was just a little tired, as could be seen from the state of the hair i forgot to brush before pony-tailing. was i ever a cutie!

i was a little slower than i'd hoped i'd be on the day, but i did make it around to the 4k mark happily enough.

then there was the hill.

up we went.

we kept going up.

and up.

still kept going up, passing angels as we did. i finally decide about .2 mile later that i'm done running uphill because i like me a lot. so i get passed by a few people, no biggie. more and more people are doing as i do, because did i mention it was a steeeeeeep hill. almost evil in nature, if i believed in evil anymore. let's say i prefer not-so-steep hills. i'd like to attract some more flatness in my life.

FINALLY! THE TOP! and i think "wa hey! time to make up some time!" and i'm jogging my little heart out, always one step away from wiping-out big time. the only way i could go faster was on a sled, which would have been fun. i was going so fast having so much fun that i forgot i have that knee thing. that knee thing that i really should stop attracting. well, i get to the bottom, passing all those lovely people who passed me on the way up. ha HA! take that! yeah, i saw ya!

another 2k, and we have a marginal incline again. well, i am done with inclines, says me. so i walk a bit. then i hear a 'pop'. "hmmm. that's an odd pain-accompanied noise for my knee to make!" but i thought little of it until i start to pick up the pace again. the knee haaaaates that. so i slow to an i-could-walk-faster jog. i can maintain this for about another .2 mile.

then the tummy goes. yes, that would be the wine making its way through my bottom region. OR someone is pounding me in the gut, please would they stop that. so i walk so as not to have a shoulda-worna-diaper-incident. another .1 mile and instead of 'pop', my knee goes "TAKE THAT YOU COW!!!!" well that just wasn't very nice at all. people are slowing, asking "are you okay?" and thank you to the person who offered to walk with me, but i really was okay apart from the busted knee. i told her to go on and finish her race, and i hobbled up to the 7k mark.

it was another 1k i had to walk before i was back near the exit point. i reflected. i didn't feel bad. in fact, i felt pretty good! what had i wanted out of today? i just wanted a fun day where i had a run. did i have to finish in order to make the day a success? no. my good god but there was some magnificent scenery at this place. it was a country park, and although it wasn't in the middle of nowhere, it was a neighbour to something that was. so i just enjoyed my walk back to the finish area, loving that i still had a pretty fantastic day, even though i didn't finish. the course is two laps of a route. i did the first lap in 40 minutes, probably would have done it in less if there was no hill, but i'm happy enough.

my friend's husband, who i hadn't met before but he'd said "go holly!" earlier in the race, was there, and i said "you must be mark! i'm holly, and i'm done!" so he and my friend's mother and what i think was my friend's daughter's (also running) boyfriend waited for my friend together. i had a fun time with them.

what does any of this have to do with law of attraction?

well, old holly, let's call her holly: BLOA (before law-of-attraction) would have really been upset about the not-finishing issue. holly:ALOA had a really nice day.

also, on the drive home, i noticed i'm starting to get in the habit of segment intending because i was thinking how much my husband would be happy enough for me when i got home. not only did he understand, but later he helped make dinner! woo hoo! i love my new life. and i think it's only going to get better.

i know it's only going to get better.

but in future, i think i'll be attracting only flat courses for racing on.

and fewer race-eve glasses of wine. . .

once you start down the path. . .

part of who i was came out today:

i have a friend who lives around the corner. the friendship was orchestrated through daughters in the same class. they are 8. 8 year olds have issues. i dearly love this friend, but am challenged by the divergent parenting philosophies we have. granted, mine are evolving, because of LOA, but still, they are heading in a new direction. don't get me wrong, i still want the bloody room tidied, and i still want the bedtime adhered to. however, i'm not hung up on them like i used to be. and i am slowly - this is the real challenge - changing my thoughts on my daughter's friend.

this friend is very influential, and sometimes it has a negative effect on the other girls in the class. my friend's daughter very often suffers the brunt of this influence. additionally, i see my sweet lovely jewel of a daughter changing in ways i'm not sure i adore. so i have an intention. the only way i can achieve a holistic joyful life is to:
a) see this other girl - whose mother is also my friend - as someone who is good and wonderful; and
b) (ultimately) let my daughter attract her friendship experiences how she will.

this means i need to forget that this girl tried to sneak my game system out of our house. it is highly possible that i completely misinterpreted that situation. it is also possible that pigs can fly.

i need to, as they say on The Secret cds, praise and bless this gal when i see her, instead of suspiciously wondering what it is that she is whispering to my daughter about.

yes, it can be done. i am the little mother that could. i think i can i think i can.

i need to hug my daughter more. one day this other girl might just push her luck too far with my daughter, and my lovely girl will need someone to turn to. i'll be that one.

but the bit that i was referring to before, the person i used to be, took my friend to starbucks today
to talk about the situation
because she is upset about the most recent events. oh if michael losier knew i had done that, i might get a slap on the wrist. no no no no no, holly!

i want to take my friend and say "let go! you have to let go! there isn't anything you can do about this!" but *i* have to let go of wanting to do that. oy! so many things to let go of!

now for my efforts, i got a severe headache. i told husband and friend that it was due to not eating properly today. i know, i really know, that it was because i have been really trying to LIVE LOA properly, and today was *not* a L-O-A day at all. well, for a few hours it wasn't.

actually on the whole, it was a good day. they all are these days. i came across a resource i need for my writing (yes, ma, got that magazine we talked about). got some long-time-a-comin' attention from my husband. had a fantastic evening with friends. it's all very very good.

but as i was ridding myself of the headache, all i could think was "okay, okay, okay, i won't do that again."

now, the challenge. we are extremely good friends. i now must come up with a way to not talk about it, but yet not seem callous when the subject comes up. hmmm... any answers, universe?

but a big thank you to the universe - it tapped me on the shoulder when i was contemplating revealing information to my friend that would only have been hurtful.

but really, motherhood in and of itself makes trying LOA look like a piece of cake! if i can get this kid to adulthood - NO : WHEN i get this kid AND her brother to adulthood - with my sanity still in tact, i can do ANYthing. :)

at times like this, i reflect on a phrase on the abraham-hicks site : all is well, it really is!

i really feel that now that i have tried so earnestly to transform my life to one that is in tune with the LOA philosophy, anything that isn't in harmony with these ideas really hits me hard. it hit me today : there is NO going back. this is my life now. i love it, and the things that i have to leave behind are things i don't really want anyway.

[and then, just before she hit the submit button, she got her answer.]

yes, tomorrow, i will gratitude journal & pray rain journal my butt off!

LOA and programming

the lead up to today's WOW was kind of boring. i have been staring at this problem all week. the program i was trying to fix at work had an elusive bug. i rewrote some code, and i could not see the difference between the functionality i gave it and the old functionality. well, there was the obvious upgrade in efficiency, but there should be no reason that the new code didn't work. what was it, what could it be?

now coding can be one of the most frustrating things ever. i have called my computer names (in the pre-loa days) that i wouldn't throw at any human being. yes, i have hurt my computer's feelings on more than one occasion. it was powerless to do anything about it, although it didn't speak to me for a few days. no, wait, it never speaks to me.

these days, however, i'm taking a more upbeat approach. i am a competent programmer. i can find the solution. no matter that i work at a place that creates semiconductor machinery, which i have absolutely no clue about. i can point out the machine in a line-up, if i have to, but don't ask me what all the bits do. i just know i can pass it information and get information back from it. if the machine is in the mood.

all week i had been on the edge of keeping it loa-friendly. instead of getting angry or frustrated, i simply thought about something nice, and repeated the 'i am a competent programmer' mantra. today i was starting to have doubts i could find it on my own, instead of having to ask one of the far more knowledgeable guru-like programmers for help. they are busy, or they'd have been helping me already. so i pushed on.

today, in particular, i really focused on just feeling good. difficult when you want something you aren't getting - a working program. but every time i started to think "c'mon!!!! work!!!!" i pre-empted myself and thought about something that made me happy. that means that i thought about work precious little today. i wouldn't have admitted this to my boss, but i hardly thought about it at all today. i looked through the code, then checked out a website i like. i looked through the code a little more, then wrote a little funny mini-essay. i looked through the code and then did some pray-rain journalling. i looked through the code a little then went mushroom picking. no, i mean, i talked to dave (coworker) about kids. it's our favorite distraction topic.

then, i spotted it. it just jumped out at me like a sore thumb. "no," i said, "it couldn't just be *that*..." i made the change, and re-ran the program.
as
if
by
magic, right in front of me, the dang thing WORKED! i could NOT believe it. i mean i could believe it but i could NOT believe it! HOW WONDERFUL! i jumped up from my chair, and shouted "YES!" at my machine, the one i was pointing to in an 'in your face' way. then i turned to each of my coworkers and pointed at them and shouted "YES!" they are used to my mad-american ways, so they were quite amused by it and the subsequent jokes i made about comparisons between getting code to work and a male-female activity.

do i care that the entire open-plan office heard me? no. do i care that most of the place thinks i'm nuts? no, not really. do i care that i got my code to work? OH YEAH! that was truly amazing. it's not just amazing that i got it to work. it's amazing that i got it to work with LOA. that totally rocks.

i have to go now, there's a middle-east crisis i'm going to attract a solution for now. . .
kidding! i only attract stuff for me! let the others attract their own lives!

i magnetize a book!!! part of the WOW series!

i love my former neighbour. she's so great. she's former neighbour BUT current friend. i love that she likes talking neal donald walsh, abraham, and wayne dyer. good stuff. lovely lovely lady. i have tea at her house, and usually try to bring banana caramel flavour - i know she likes that.

one day, my son "grabby magillicutty" grabbed a book on her counter. the dairy home cookery book. he gave it to me, and i perused it. LOVELY little book, with great recipes and tips. my friend said i could have it. well it looked like she used this a lot, so i said i'd borrow it and return it.

well how many months ago was that? she hasn't asked for the book back, but i wanted to return it to her. my son, "smashy mcgrab-grab", who is 2.5, broke the spine of the book. i couldn't give *that* back to her! so i have been looking and looking and looking for this book. it hasn't been the *height* of passion, i knew it would eventually make its way to me, but i have been thinking about it a lot, with the intention that i will get her a new copy, and i would like a new copy too.

but i let go of it. i *wanted* it, but i wasn't *attached* to it.

i *think* that is why today when i walked into the mail / stationery area at work, amongst the pile of books that 'the book guy' left, was
[WARNING : JAW DROP MOMENT]
A COPY OF THIS BOOK!
oh
holy
cow!!!!
badda boom, badda bing. i now am gettin' me a beautiful new copy and gettin' one for my lovely friend.

this was just completely fantastic. i mean i REALLY wanted this book, in the back of my head.
seeing it was just almost like the universe (big U!) was trying to smack me with the message "if you just let go, it will come to you."

i'm going to treat my finances like the dairy home cookery book. i really want abundance, but in the meantime, i'm going to just be happy and go about my business. then the inspiration to do things will come.

the even more amazing thing about this is that this was on a sleep-deprived day. i clocked out at 2:30 am yesterday after an ABUNDANCE of commenting on my other blog. but i refused to go to bed without setting the intention that today would be a good day anyway, and refused to get out of bed this morning until i was in a great mood. i had a fantastic day today, under conditions i normally would have been really, um, un-user-friendly from.

however, i *am* going to go to bed early tonight, as i can tell from the feeling of someone drilling a hole down through my head, that lack-of-sleep is not all that compatible with practicing the law of attraction.

sweet dreams. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

the momentum is building

it is 1:23.

a.m.

why am i still up? it is the fault of my intentions. i'm not unhappy about it, but i probably will be tomorrow. no - i intend not to be.

i started blogging on instinct, back when i started with The Secret cds. i had a half-formulated idea of where it could go, and just did it. i thought at the very least, i'd have a record of my progress. and maybe someone out there in internet land would see something and be inspired or amused.

but since i've started writing, that's all i want to do. and i've started writing (down) children's stories that i create with my daughter. it is so much fun. and ever since i had the intention that i was going to go somewhere with that, i have been inundated with ideas and excitement. oh yes, folks, we're going somewhere. this is going to be fantastic.

and then there's the blogging. i am really enjoying the blogging both on this and on my other site, which is more of an amusing-thoughts one. with that one i have been invited to join a blogging community, and WOW. i spent two hours tonight just responding to comments. that is amazing!

and okay, so i rush the dishes. they're still clean aren't they? better than not clean. following my bliss has made me not care about the stuff that doesn't matter very much. i have introduced 'the power hour' into my life. it's 6 10-minute sessions.
10 minutes of tidying
10 minutes of dishwashing
10 minutes of putting clothes away
etc etc etc. that means that i still get everything done, and i only had to invest 10 minutes into a few activities. that's do-able.

i'm having a great time with my kids, and building a better home life, AND having a fantastic time blogging. life is so good.

but now i have to go to sleep.

oh wait - before i go.

i received a bottle of water yesterday. now that was pretty random, i thought at first.

i got called into my friend's office. we chatted, and then she said, "oh and there's the bottle of water you left here on friday."

"sam, i didn't leave a bottle in here on friday, that i recall."

"sure you did, you bought it and left it here...didn't you?"

"i really don't remember that - i have a water bottle at my desk, so i don't really need to buy water bottles. i don't think it's mine."

"but it couldn't be anyone else's. are you sure?"

i absolutely was sure. then i thought "hang on. i'm receiving something here."

so i said "well, no one else has claimed it, so it must be mine."

"there you go then." she smiled. then we giggled.

and i mused the rest of the day on how maybe it's a message to receive things better. or maybe it was just a bottle of water.

then, out on my run tonight, i remembered repeating days ago, "money flows to me like water."

universe, i said LIKE water, not IS water!!!!! i mean, yes, i'm very thankful for the water - very very thankful, and yes, i get the humour of it, but next time, i'd like some actual money, please and thank you! very very funny, universe. you should take your act on the road!

okay, i'm away to bed now.

more praise for the pray rain journal

this is just really getting amazing. once it happens, you think "YAY!" then time passes, and you think, "oh that could just have been coincidence." then it happens again and you think "DOUBLE YAY!" then more time passes yadda yadda yadda. but then it just keeps happening and you can't just keep thinking coincidence. that just defies math! the law of attraction kicks the law of math's butt! oh i'm going to copyright that phrase and have it put on my tombstone.

"what?!" you say. okay, i'll get on with it.

the day started like any other.

boom! from the two year old's room. that means he is awake.
"dad!"
"dad!"
"dad!"
we look at the clock. it is 6:30. apparently, there is still a 6:30 in the morning. i totally thought they got rid of that after daylight saving's day. who knew.
then
"crap!" that's the word my husband starts his day with. i have been countering that lately with lots of gratitude and positive intentions before i even open my eyes (apart from looking at the clock, that is). but the day has still started with the word "crap." could be worse, let me tell you. he's northern irish, and expletives are just part of the language.

my daughter is home with pink eye again today. that means hubby has 2 year old and 8 year old to care for today. he's lovely, but his patience has limits.

i want the best for my kids. i will eventually find a way to stop working and still have a great income. i know i will get that to work. in the meantime, what can i do now to make a great day? well, traffic was slow-movin', so i did some reiki for a nice day and good behaviour and a huge supply of patience for the troops.

then i got to work and took a mo' to do a few pages of pray rain journal writing. i wrote about how lovely b is and how he lovingly spends time with the children and on and on. and i was *there* mentally. i may or may not have tossed in how lovely it is that he picks his socks up. who's to remember exactly. a lot of people were writing. . .

i tried to focus on feeling love and gratitude all day. there were dips. i wasn't all that grateful for the faggots served at the canteen. they came with mushy peas, and i prefer other food served with non-mushy veggies, so i was quite grateful that i'd remembered to leave some food in the fridge from last week. nice.

the day continued on in quite a quiet way.

then i got home. i couldn't believe how tidy the house was. had...it...been
.....vacuumed?
holy flying monkeys!
the ... dishes .... were done.
the . . . kitchen floor - spotless - even under the table!

folks, i'm telling you, if i didn't believe in the pray rain journal before (which i did), holy something something-edy- something! i believe it now!

apparently there had been a trip to jazzy jungle (kids play place), a trip to mcdonald's and he had picked up some groceries. my husband took the children on an outing and brought back some groceries.

i joked before about looking for the pod. that day was NOTHING compared to this.

OH! AND what was he doing when i got home? m-a-k-i-n-g my daughter some dinner. not slopping some canned good on a plate - he scrambled some eggs! okay he started the eggs, which we finished (m1 likes trying to cook), but HEY he started them!

this is an AMAZING side of this man that i didn't think i'd EVER see!

now tomorrow's journal is going to appreciate how he has stopped snoring. . . .

who says you can't have it all?

if anyone asks me how to fix their life i'm going to tell them they need to pick a good notebook and get a good pen. i can't BELIEVE i waited so long to do this - the words from Abraham have stuck in my brain for so long 'write pages and pages and pages' - how long ago did i hear that and go "yeah yeah yeah i'll get to it."

GET TO IT NOW!!!!

and you, too, will say WOW. or whatever *you* say when your life goes "pop!" in a good way.

making lemonade from lemons

FIRST OF ALL : note to self - if you're going to write a blog and potentially point out the changes of loved ones, you really should make sure the loved one in question doesn't all-of-a-sudden show up and look at the laptop you're typing it on. yes yes yes it all happened very fast. but it really happened. if i didn't have appreciation-journalling to do before, i have now!!!

okay, to continue on. i feel amazing. i can tell i'm going somewhere with all this new-found perspective, because i totally handled today differently than i would have previously.

yesterday, my lovely girl wakes up with a little bit of pink in her eye. i don't think it's the look she was going for. she's very conscious of her looks, as they tend to be at ....em every age i guess, but acutely so now that she's 8. i didn't point it out to her, but offered sympathy when she said her eye hurt. not much i could do on a sunday but sympathize and distract. she went to play with a friend. in hindsight, if i'd put two and two together, i'd have realized that a pink eye means "pinkeye". WHOOPS! well, they all pass these things around. not the end of the world, probably.

she came home and it was gone. yay! maybe not pinkeye!

she woke up this morning. OH YES - it's pinkeye in the other eye.

and here's how i handled it differently. the old me would have pissed and moaned about having to take a day off work when i only had a few days to last me to april, and would have worried about what the people at work would think.

today's me went "meh! so we'll stay home today. i'll take you to the doctor, we'll watch meet the robinsons. it'll be fine." and i really meant it. and i felt good about it. i liked the feeling good part the most.

i love that i called the school and they said 48 complete hours. i said "so, she can't come back until 10 am wednesday morning?" i thought they'd go "oh well what's an hour." no, the lady said "yes, that's right. 10 am." seriously. she has to miss an hour of school wednesday because i didn't get back from the pharmacy until 9:45? okay, whatever. that's not the slightest bit silly (yes it is). particularly because my doctor (SHE IS THE MOST AMAZINIG DOCTOR IN THE WORLD) said it's really no big deal. yes, contagious, but it's not like you transmit it by looking at people. nice. but i'm amused by it, so it has a purpose.

so we had a nice day together. little boy was at his childminder's. this enabled us to get her a new pair of shoes before her current ones, which are so new i think i may still actually have the receipt, become threadbare. what do these people do to their shoes?

no, i mean, gosh how i'd prefer that the shoes would last longer.

we walked through the town to the shoe shop, and oops! there's a starbucks. i'm sure we won't infect anyone by sitting here sipping an iced chai.

the secret to health bit on The Secret cds is pretty stuck in my brain. i have been completely healthy ever since first listening to the cds. now, before you sarcastically say "wow, genius! you haven't been sick for an entire month?! quick! call the authorities! it's a miracle!" but then i'd say "hang on now, i'm surrounded by people who are dropping like flies!" i don't know anyone who hasn't been sick lately! but i'm not focusing on them, and i'm feeling very good. besides, it's october, and i abide by the holly shall only have good things in october law. it's not very well known, but it is a good one. so only those people in starbucks who are attracting unwellness* will be unwell. i'm positive of that. plus, no one was within 5 feet of her. (*yes, i know that's not a word, spellchecker; i'm using it anyway).

and to make sure it continues - i'm logging off for some well-deserved beauty sleep.

oh yes - and a great big THANK YOU to big U for giving me the 2.5 pound loss (yes, i'm still enjoying losing weight.). that was rock solid. i'm becoming thin!!! i'm going to hit my birthday goal of being in the 150s. yay!!!

healthy sarcasm alert:
oh yes, i did laugh at the part on The Secret where Rhonda says she grew to a huge 140+ pounds. oh good lord. you didn't! however did you get through the doors? you must have been turned down by all the very best clothing retailers. did you have a special car made for that? was there any special equipment you needed? LOL!!!

with that kind of talk, i'm just asking for a thumping, aren't i? no, i intend that if she were ever to read those words, she would see the humour of it. she SAID laughter was the best medicine on the cds!!!! see the humour of the fact that i don't personally know anyone who is as thin as she was 'fat'...

okay. i'm thin now. must - stop - making - fun - of - thin - people. it's all good fun. if i were really making fun of thin people, i couldn't attract thinness, which is what i'm certainly doing. woo hoo!

but before i actually log off (yes, i promise, i'm going now, really!) i think i should point out that what i think i am attracting lately are fantastic days. they seem fantastic to me because they are filled with joyful moments. i really loved the fact that this could have been any other work day. but even though m1 had a little eye-issue, we still had a fantastic day together. i'm going to remember this day. i probably wouldn't have remembered the day of coding i would have done otherwise.

my next task is to attract the perfect children's book agent. (oh god this woman's writing a children's book?) yes, it's true x 3. i will be on the shelves. i'm soooo attracting that. it's so real i want to rush down to borders and buy my book! except that i would probably get a free one. . .

what has LOA done to my husband?

it's almost getting spooky. yes, this is the season for halloween. still, it's one thing to go 'oooh!' in fake horror at a little ghostie. it's quite another for your husband of 12 years change in front of your face.

it's sunday. mellow day. i had gotten into a habit of thinking 'oh sunday, just great, i have umpty-zillion (that's right before femty-zillion and right after oopty-zillion, if my maths are right) things to do, and 7 hours to do it. those are 7 sunday hours, which as you know, goes twice as fast, owing to the sun speeding up on sunday somehow.

or it used to.

today i specifically got out of bed thinking "ya know what? i only have a few things to do today and i have a whole pile of time to do it in."
"oh yeah and thanks for that, big U*"

(*first time readers - i'm on a first letter basis with the universe. it lets me call it U).

also i had started the intention very recently that i have a very tidy house. (sound of laughter in the background.....) i said INTENTION. well, today i was inspired to get dishes washed, clothes washed, and a little boy bathed straight away. when i had all that done it was still 11:30am! holy cow, it's usually 7pm before i have all that done!

in fact, left, right, and centre i was getting a whole pile of things i was wanting. case in point : the internet wouldn't work this morning (well, not my end of it, anyway...). i started to think "oh i don't really want to spend - NO WAIT! - oh yeah - this is going to work quickly and easily." at first, it was really easy - i didn't do it! i specifically didn't do anything until i was in the mode of 'it's going to be easy'. i mean not so easy that my genius goes unrecognized by my husband, but so easy that i just have to touch a few things and it's done.

i got the manual out of the box, clicked on the router wizard, and suddenly everything was fine. seriously, all i did was get the manual out of the box. don't tell my husband. he thinks i have magic fingers. ON THE COMPUTER, PEOPLE, KEEP IT CLEAN!

but these things are just becoming normal (yay! these things are becoming normal!!!). what is novel and weird-in-a-good-way, however, is that there i am doing another set of dishes after dinner and hubby shouts in to me "do you want these clothes taken upstairs? . . .why are you looking at me that way?" which made me notice i wasn't concealing my shock. seriously, my husband offered to and then did take clean clothes upstairs! has he been replaced with a look-alike? where's the pod? do i care? take it and run! "yes please." oh, and "THANK YOU!" i like this husband a lot. he's much better than the one i had been attracting. thank god i stopped doing that!

lack of sleep catches up with me

yeah, i really should set a limit. i have been working on so many of these new ideas and exercises so much lately that i have not been getting to sleep until 1am. (and again, here i am, still typing). my usual lights-out is 12am latest. i'm a working a mother. i get home, i cook the dinner, tend to the children, shuffle them to bed, do a few chores, then write in the blog, then do one of the charles haanel weekly exercises. i only started a couple of weeks ago, so i'm still just going onto the third week. yes, they're nice, but i have had the feeling i should really just go to sleep. but if i don't, then i won't progress! must progress! no, must chill out.

and the balance is tipping a bit, i noticed today. there was a little loss-of-patience at the five-hundredth time a certain two year old turned the oven on when i prefer he had left the thing alone. i keep telling him that i prefer him not to do that. he doesn't seem to understand that i'm trying to attract good behaviour from him.

so i think i'm going to set the intention for this week that i get all my beauty sleep. i know, i'm as beautiful as i think i am. but i only think as well as i sleep. i could change my beliefs and intend that i only need 6 hours of sleep, but i LOVE sleep; that belief pattern just will not work for me. i won't allow it.

but the good news is that my level of annoyance at ovens being turned on and toys being thrown across rooms and tantrums being thrown is much lower than before. this is a tracking-progress blog for me, and i can truthfully say that i feel like things are much more positive, even in the not-as-positive moments. as Abraham says, "the good is gooder."

additionally, i wrote another book tonight. ever since i had the intention to create some ideas for children's books, the ideas have been flowing like water. it is totally amazing, and it is the most fun i've had in quite some time, and i am a person who has fun with very little effort. but clearly, if one is going to have the intention that ideas are going to come, one should also have the courtesy to oneself to have the time to implement the ideas. that's what i now intend.

and exactly right now i intend to get some sleep.

using the pray rain journal

James Ray continuously makes the point on The Secret cds that you can't just have one area in your life be great and be abundant. okay fine, i can't be a millionaire while i'm annoyed at my husband. fine fine fine fine fine. so let's work on that. all the good things will start a'rollin in once i get that sorted out. in fact i'm sure he (James) personally promised me that. it may not be on your copy, but i'm sure it's on mine. it's the holly version.

so the pray rain journal that i started today did not begin with the amazing way i'm going to live when i'm a millionaire. it started with how wonderful my husband is. and if i'd known how quickly this would have an affect on my life, i'd have done it from the start.

first of all, let me thank Jeanette for the great idea of it. it was on her blog here. i bought a notebook specifically for this exercise. and i'm using my favorite blue pen. if you're going to do it, do it right, i thought. i love writing with this particular pen, ergo i must love whatever i write with the pen. just nod and smile.

at first i thought "oh jeez so many many many pages of writing. can i write that much good stuff about someone?" then i remembered that i write in this thing every night, so hey, i can probably write at least a page of good stuff about my husband of 12 years. i mean he's not all leaving clothes strewn and where's my dinner. sometimes he's smiles and laughs. so i start. it turns out that i easily pushed out three pages of good stuff about that guy! who knew?! wow! now that's the guy i like! and a couple more in the afternoon. wow! now, not only did it put me in a very good frame of mind, particularly with respect to him, but oh WOW did it change the day!

i found myself emailing him wishing him a happy day. he writes back "are you okay, what's wrong." i didn't write "nothing you dufus i'm trying to be nice to you!" i did reply "i just wanted you to have a nice day!" so then we had a nice digital back-and-forth for awhile. then i told him i'd pick up our daughter from school - he usually does this. that would
a) give me a treat
b) give our daughter a treat
c) give him a break which would hopefully lift his mood.
"fine with me," came the reply.

so i'm waiting at the school, and who walks past me but my husband and our son. "ahem" i say. he looked at me and smiled. then i got a hug from the boy. but the boy always gives me hugs, so that's not really novel. then he was off to terrorize the other children (our son, not my husband).
so we had a nice moment standing waiting for m1 while m2 ran off all his little boy energy, reminding us that we had children so we could laugh at them. in a good way, mostly.

then we head home, him on foot with our son, me with m1 and her friend in the car. (don't worry, he didn't have to walk far; we live around the corner and he only walked because m2 only gets tired by having been walked.)

we had a nice peaceful (as peaceful as it can be with two 8 year old girls in the house) afternoon. no shouting. no, it's true! not even an impatient moment! HEY this pray rain journal thing is working a treat already! woo hoo!

then my daughter's friend's mother, AKA my friend, came to get her daughter. i did the british thang which is offer a cuppa. so the three of us (she, me, he) sat around laughing for a good 30 minutes, something we rarely do.

and that's really what i want most out of life. good friends, good children, good laughs, a nice happy life.

no wait, i still want the millions. they're on their way.

but what a fantastic evening that was created from 5 pages on a steno pad!

the healing power of toys

i had a very productive day today, after having decided i wanted a real 'in the zone' day of writing code. it's so much more fun to program when as soon as i have gotten to an obstacle, i just sit back and think "i can figure this out" instead of my old way of going "oh d&(*£%, just work" (and that's the clean version!). so after a very satisfying day of that, i hopped in the car and thought "okay what shall i have now?" i settled on just having a lovely evening with the family. laughs and hugs would be a nice end to the day.

my former neighbour (but still good friend) 's children were over at my house with my daughter. she came shortly after i arrived and i thought it would be nicer to have a cuppa with her than to immediately start the dinner. so we had a nice chat, exchanging thoughts on her Wayne Dyer readings and my 'The Secret' listenings. it was so nice that i forgot it was violin lesson day. so when the teacher arrived and there wasn't even a hint of dinner cooked, i fell into old habits. racing around, trying to keep the 2 year old from interrupting the lesson AND cooking the dinner.

i got my loud "STOP!" via a good dose of hot beef drippings splashed on my right hand.
several of my inner voices now arrive :
the mom: "get the boy out of the way!"
the first-aider: "run that hand under cold water! stat!"
the software engineer : "isn't there a program to prevent that in future?!"
the musician : "music will soothe the pain away!"

luckily, the first-aider in me won and there i was, running soothing cold water over the hand. i was standing there realizing that if i'd have just not been 'chasing time' as The Secret cds suggest, it wouldn't have happened, but also that it doesn't necessarily mean that i'm going to have a burn. i also know i'm probably not vibrating the right level to prevent the burn, so
i turn of the water and do some reiki on my hand. i went in, sat down on the couch to do the reiki, and probably got as much out of the calmness as i did from the reiki.

the kids decided this was love time. when is it not 'love time' really? i mean honestly? so as i'm sitting there being calm, not caring about the dinner that is almost certainly burning, doing reiki on my hand, i feel hugs and stuffed animals. i say "thank you" to both my children who are staring at me with that "it's okay we'll take care of you" look. a minute later, i'm being slowly covered with stuffed animal after stuffed animal by my daughter, the 8 year old. not wanting to be left out, my son, aged two, puts cars on me. by the end of it, i have 7 stuffed animals on top of my arms, and 15 hot wheels cars. they were standing there admiring their handiwork until i burst out laughing which has a real domino effect as you can imagine.

the rest of the evening was riddled with laughs and hugs, which is just what i was hoping for.

and the hand? totally fine. thank you!

oh i almost forgot : here's something for the 'be careful how you do the exercises' file.

i got Michael Losier's Law of Attraction book at the weekend. it is a fantastic resource in that he walks you through exercises to apply LOA. i also went to his website to get a 'clarity through contrast' worksheet. i did it at a work break. he suggests writing about 50 things on the contrast side (the list of things you don't like). i got about 20, and had that list sitting there next to me when an idea for my code popped in my head. the list continued to sit there, all 20 negatives i'd thought of, right next to me on the desk for probably an hour. and then i get a confrontational email from the person i'm making the list about. i thought "hmm. . .i'm not going to answer that until after i finish this worksheet!" so not only did i quickly fill in the clarity side of the worksheet, i quickly just did a list of positive aspects about him, like Abraham suggests.

note to self : in future, finish the exercise, before you get an email from someone you may or may not be trying to change your thoughts about!!!!

i also signed up for Michael's newsletter, which included a link in it to a recording he'd done with some listeners. the one i listened to today focused on our use of "don't, not and no". this will really highlight the negative talk around you. it's made me see lunch in a completely different light. mostly it's fine because we talk and laugh about the ridiculous things our kids do. but then at some point, something bothers someone, and i have to sit there and think of something positive while they go off on one of their "and then they did this can you believe that!?" and then i get weird looks, because i have a dreamy look on my face while they've been talking about the rude clerk at the shop, but i've been thinking about the cute little puppies at the b&b i stayed at in edinburgh.

okay i have to go now, my husband has spotted another spider and is looking at my law of attraction library as possible smashing tools. i need to re-direct him to his american studies books!

hubby makes dinner!

i have been making dinner a lot lately. i've been cooking more since i have discovered the delights of weight watchers recipes. yes, i know, The Secret (sandie, i capitalized that for you) cds say that we should visualize ourselves at our perfect weight. the thing is, i'm enjoying the experience of losing weight. i now don't have that fear of not doing it, i know i'm going to reach my weight because each week i know i'm going to lose a pound or two. that's FUN! that raises my vibration! and i'm having FUN making weight watchers food - it's quick, easy, tasty! i mean if i can master the recipes, they are easy.

i am a woman who needs a recipe for toast. i'm okay with that. it's not something i need to be wonderful at. i'm wonderful at many things, and if someone screams at me "BUT YOU'RE NOT WONDERFUL AT COOKING," i will :
a) recognize them as a crazy person from the shouting; and
b) not care otherwise.
i come from a family of good cooks. let them have the spotlight in that area. that gives me something to praise them about. hey j(sister)! what you do with baked goods is amazing! hey ma! those case noodles are brilliant! hey dad! you make some mean chili! key k(brother) way to combine that ragu with those noodles! okay so he's finding himself. give him time.

now that i have gone way off my point, let me come back. so as i say, i have been cooking a lot recently, and tonight i had some running to do (the 10k is in a week + half), so i really was hoping the dinner would make itself tonight. on the drive home, i got in the 'happy zone', and pictured the veggies (i bought a couple pre-cut skewered packs - they are lovely) being put on the cookie sheet, going under the grill. i was really thankful for it and couldn't wait to get home and taste them.

now i'm not going to tell you they cooked themselves. that would just be loopy. no, i knew the only way they'd get on the sheet is for b* to put them on. now just to be clear, my husband makes me look like julia child/jamie oliver/emeril. the best thing i can say about his cooking aspirations is that he is a wonderful american studies lecturer. "you're better at it," is his claim. "no, i am just the only one who does it," i used to reply. now i visualize. and get happy. i know i can't attract things into his life, so that's why i didn't focus on *him* doing it. i focused on it being done. if i'd have pictured him doing it, i think i would have had the doubt.

in addition, i have purposely made a point of 'segment intending' a pleasant evening once i pass through the door after work. so i was thinking 'pleasant evening' as i opened the door...
and smelled...
VEGGIES!!!! the veggies HAD gone onto the baking sheet! they HAD gone under the grill! just like i knew he could.

then i got upstairs later and just before blogging tonight i saw the email he'd sent me just after i logged off at work. "please let me know what time you'll be home and i'll put dinner on." wow. so you better believe i replied with a "you are a sweetheart, thanks for the veggies." i couldn't let that pass without gratitude!!! and i tried not to think of the silliness of sending an email to a person 50 feet from me. i, er, em didn't want to wake the kids...

spiders and money

i don't know why i keep tripping myself up (yes i do, because i keep noticing that i'm tripping myself up!) but i was struck today by another abundance in my life. spiders.

i live in the uk. so do many many MANY spiders. oh they're all harmless, but they don't pay rent, so i'd rather they just stayed outside, thank you. also, it's no longer (and really was never) amusing to see my daughter go all scaredy-cat at the things. you know, the same daughter that looks at me, rolls her eyes and says "whatever." that one.

it started out by trying to change my view of the spiders. i figured once i stopped being creeped out by them, i could figure a way to ignore them. so i tried pretending they were lucky. i don't know why that came to me. let's google it : okay, according to prediction magazine (no, i'm not even capitalizing that! take that grammar cop! i mean, hi sandie! i miss you!) dreaming of spiders is lucky. that was just the first google hit. the second, from the equally esteemed committee for skeptical enquiry says spiders were associated with riches by the egyptians.

so now i have moved my thoughts from 'spiders are icky' (yes, and i'm someone's mother) to 'spiders are lucky'. this made me feel better about spiders. so, all you law of attraction-ers, what did i get?

"mummy, there are hundreds of big spiders in the utility room."

to be fair, the only way she ever describes heat is with the word 'boiling'. so i thought there might have been fewer than 100. there were in fact three, but they were not ones i'd want to meet in a dark alley with a full wallet. well, unless they were actually lucky spiders, in which case, "thanks for the dosh! bye now!"

but add these to the one under the table and the one between the bookcase and the wall, now we have a group of luck.

but yes, now what i have to work on is paying no more attention to the spiders. and i'll teach my daughter the same.

now what i'd love to do is replace 'spiders are lucky', which was really good for getting more spiders, with 'money is lucky'. now that would be good. actually any of the following would be good:

'happiness is lucky'
'clean clothes are lucky'
'clean dishes are lucky'
'my husband doing some of the chores is lucky'
'my daughter going to bed on time is really really lucky'

we'll see how that develops.

on the flip side, score one tonight for the 'paying no more attention to unwanted things' strategy! yes, folks, i used to be annoyed by my husband's habit of putting his coke bottle right in the middle of the counter. i'd put it at the back of the counter, he'd come, take a drink, put it in the middle. i'd come past it, see it, put it at the back of the counter. that was the cycle, although i'm leaving out some of the more choice words i may or may not have used, but no amount of nicely stated "would you put the bottle out of the way when you're done"s would change his ways. well, about a week ago i said to myself "you know what self? so what. if he really wants it there, then there it stays. i no longer acknowledge that space as existing." now the first couple of days, i was kidding myself. i really did acknowledge it still a bit, then a bit less then a bit less. tonight i noticed that the bottle is against the wall without my intervention. so i made sure i appreciated the h£ll out of that sight for a good 5 minutes! "mummy i'm hungry!" "not now dear i'm appreciating something."

welcome Vanessa!

this one goes out to my first commenter! i wish i had a prize for her! oh wait. yes, i intend that she will get a little prize.

let's go back. so as much fun as this is to write this and view my own progress, and okay i know my mom's reading it (well she says she is) (hi mom!), i have been thinking it would be really rewarding to actually have someone i don't know see it and like it. then i've either entertained or inspired someone who isn't biased. (no offense, mom, and hey, good job with the loving thing!). from the moment i started this blog, i had the intention that people would see it and either be inspired or be entertained. every day i would think "today is the day someone sees the blog", then feel the feeling of it being done. oh, and not forgetting the thank you!

well, i was looking at some other blogs this weekend and thinking oh hey that's cool, i'll link to them. eventually i'll have readers and they can be led to these other really good blogs. i found the Law of Attraction Playground, and i really like that. there is some good stuff, in particular, a pray rain journal that i'm going to start doing. next day, i see Vanessa's Musings From a Life Coach. i loved it. there is a story about a cracked pot that was really appropriate to what i was talking to mom about later that day. but i had gotten distracted by my 2 year old who was setting out the intention that i should get him food, and not very quietly. so i didn't get a chance to leave a comment.

today i think "ya know what? i'll get a little more proactive with this." and i start looking at ways to get more hits on my blog (i'm new to the blogging thang). so i sit down to do tonight's entry, and
oh
my
gawd.
A COMMENT! someone left me a comment! who is it who is it who is it?! and then i click.
oh
my
gawd.
it's the gal whose website i was ON this weekend! so now if you're reading this, go check out her blog. go ahead. i'll wait. i'll be here when you get back. oh hi! wasn't it great?
now if you are reading this and don't believe law of attraction works - call me and i'll tell you this story!
thank you, Vanessa, you have made my day. and lately, that is a big feat...

i still appreciate my first reader, mom. okay mom, stop crying.

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well today is october 1st. october is the month of the year i totally love. one of its days is my birthday, but i pretty much claim the whole month as my party ground. it's the one month of the year that i feel good anyway. i used to notice the decline back to normality as november 1 hit. this year i am going to proceed differently. i have decided i'm going to be 25 this year. i toyed with being 20, but i didn't like it as much as i liked 25. so i'm going back to my 25 year old body, only thinner. and hey, i'm almost as thin as the thinnest i was in hawaii. soon, it will be. i claim it now!

i got a feed for my homepage (i used iGoogle, it means i can put all sorts of little widgets on, cleanly) from Steve Pavlina's page - i followed a link on Law of Attraction Playground (thanks Jeanette!). so the entire month of october has a chance to shine, as i'm going to be participating in the million dollar experiment.

some things in this (the moolah) department are already working. i have been staring at a £1000 (and 23 pence, just for fun) cheque for 3 weeks now. i have been feeling the excitement and gratitude of receiving that cheque, believing it would come.

do-di-do, so there were driving out to god-knows-where-oh-yeah-mcdonalds. b* says "yeah, i have got a slight raise, it appears. i used to clear x, now i clear x + 100." holy cripes! that's 12*£100 = £1200! wooooo hoooooo! hey, my husband, my bank account, i'm counting it!!!!

this is in addition to the giggle i gave the other day. i have already mentioned that the secret is on a constant loop in my car's cd player. well, one day recently, when Loral Langmeier said "money comes easily and frequently," i added "and i have so much money i have trouble shutting my purse." NOTE TO READERS : don't do this unless you are able to catch the money. i was not able to close my purse all day that day, pound coins kept falling out, and people were looking at me like i was challenged. imagine jerry lewis trying to juggle coins. that was me in the middle of asda (americans: that's the british wal-mart).

************************************************************************************
okay, i think that's all the fantastic things that happened today or recently. isn't that enough for one day? no? okay. i needed some pajamas. i have been focusing on feeling lots of love recently. so when i saw the pajama bottoms with LOVE printed all over them, i had to buy them. that explains the picture above (yes, i'm now enhanced with pictures!), which should be about
here-> X. baby steps.

one last thought : i mentioned that i was going to church. well, it was nice and all, but i did wonder what the elders (or whoever runs the cathedral nearby) thought was the reason god would want us to stand then sit, then stand, then sit again. okay now stand. back to sitting STAND. now sit. i think the universe does not really care whether i stand or sit.

but my friend rachel told me the best joke today. i wish i had a reference for it, it's hilarious and someone deserves credit. (irreverence warning ahead!)

did you hear that they have a new low-fat communion alternative coming out? it's called "i can't believe it's not jesus." oh THANK you to whoever thought that one up. we laughed so hard. i still have tears in my eyes. and then i had to explain to my daughter why i thought a joke about jesus was funny.