i know it doesn't matter one darned bit what anyone else thinks about all this stuff, it only matters to me, but i was secretly really pleased last week (and still, today!) that i was able to help a friend.
now, before we all go thinking i was sticking my nose in where it didn't belong, or trying to paddle in someone else's stream, or whatever, realize this person came to me. i have made slight comments here and there in a lighthearted way that indicate what my new philosophy is. and this person -someone i completely adore- asked me for some help on "thinking". wow. i was completely honoured.
she was in a bad way occupationally, and i can't repeat the details of it. but she needed a new job NOW.
well the first thing i said is "stop needing it. you want it, but you don't need it."
she said "but i really really need it."
i said "let's agree on some factual level that you need it. now let's kick that need over there in the corner in fact-land (god i hate fact-land!). now, there is only wanting. no needing, only wanting."
"NOW, what i would do if i were sitting in your seat, is think of all the wonderful things about having that new job. what is it you love about the job? how will you be sitting in the office? what is the atmosphere like?" and so on.
"next, now that you have 'asked', release it and just feel good. feel really good and grateful about a bunch of things today."
now that was the corker. there was a horrible thing that had landed on her, which was the reason for her needing a new job quick. i said, "that's fine. what we're going to do is this: what is the most fantastic thing you have ever experienced?" she thought about it, and told me about a specific holiday, and how it was the most wonderful time ever. i said "whenever you think about this horrible thing you will IMMEDIATELY replace it with this picture."
now something amazing here: she had two days - well, one and a half - to sit there with this momumental task of monitoring her thoughts. i reminded her to just let go. just feel good.
on the third day, she got the phone call she expected. the job she was after was offered. RESULT!
score another one for LOA!
now surely, if i can help my friend achieve her dreams, i can achieve mine, right?
absolutely. it is coming. and i'm so grateful for it. :)
Monday, 3 December 2007
Sunday, 2 December 2007
I DID IT!!! #2
no, not *a #2*. this is not that kind of blog.
i did nanowrimo. and i made the winner's list.
that is the reason for my sporadic posts last month. i could not keep up the writing and the daily posting here. but this is okay, because now i have to look back and go WOW.
nanowrimo, if you don't know, is National Novel Writing Month. a 50,000 word novel, to be created in a month. it's quite a task. i didn't realize how big a task it was. i mean, yes, i knew, but i didn't appreciate how taxing it would be.
i was thinking today, what a wonderful example of LOA this was. how so?
i only knew i wanted to do it. i never thought about what would happen if i *didn't* do it. i never thought about not having done it. i always just knew i was going to do it. i had been wanting to do it since early this year. so when someone asked me in october if i would do it, i thought "i can't be talking about LOA and such if i don't do this thing i really want to do. yes, i'll do it."
and i loved it. i loved every minute of writing that thing. well, no not EVERY minute. the i've-only-had-five-hours-of-sleep wasn't adorable. but the rest of it, pretty great. i so wish it was almost time to do it again. no i don't, i can use the year's break.
so i :
1) asked
2) believed
3) allowed
and i received it. nanowrimo was an amazing example of LOA! and now all i have to do is treat everything i want like i treated nanowrimo, and i'll get it, right? surely...
so what do i want next? i want to turn this thing i've written into something really good, then get it published. that would be so wonderful. yes! i attract that now!
so i've asked. now all i have to do is believe and receive! easy, right?
what i didn't do was finish the 21 days of gratitude properly. whooops. i'll have to do that on my own bat. i think it is incredibly wonderful and potentially very powerful, and gosh, i'm grateful for it. but, it was just on the list of things i could not also do at the same time as nanowrimo.
it's december now. i'm going to do the habit of 21 days of gratitude from now until christmas eve. we'll see what happens. wow! maybe i'll learn to be so thankful for my husband that he will no longer annoy the heck out of me with his shouting (that statement will just about guarantee he'll accidentally read this)! maybe i'll be so thankful for my children that they will be the most well-behaved, non-toy-throwing children ever!
just eating their veggies would be a good start...
i did nanowrimo. and i made the winner's list.
that is the reason for my sporadic posts last month. i could not keep up the writing and the daily posting here. but this is okay, because now i have to look back and go WOW.
nanowrimo, if you don't know, is National Novel Writing Month. a 50,000 word novel, to be created in a month. it's quite a task. i didn't realize how big a task it was. i mean, yes, i knew, but i didn't appreciate how taxing it would be.
i was thinking today, what a wonderful example of LOA this was. how so?
i only knew i wanted to do it. i never thought about what would happen if i *didn't* do it. i never thought about not having done it. i always just knew i was going to do it. i had been wanting to do it since early this year. so when someone asked me in october if i would do it, i thought "i can't be talking about LOA and such if i don't do this thing i really want to do. yes, i'll do it."
and i loved it. i loved every minute of writing that thing. well, no not EVERY minute. the i've-only-had-five-hours-of-sleep wasn't adorable. but the rest of it, pretty great. i so wish it was almost time to do it again. no i don't, i can use the year's break.
so i :
1) asked
2) believed
3) allowed
and i received it. nanowrimo was an amazing example of LOA! and now all i have to do is treat everything i want like i treated nanowrimo, and i'll get it, right? surely...
so what do i want next? i want to turn this thing i've written into something really good, then get it published. that would be so wonderful. yes! i attract that now!
so i've asked. now all i have to do is believe and receive! easy, right?
what i didn't do was finish the 21 days of gratitude properly. whooops. i'll have to do that on my own bat. i think it is incredibly wonderful and potentially very powerful, and gosh, i'm grateful for it. but, it was just on the list of things i could not also do at the same time as nanowrimo.
it's december now. i'm going to do the habit of 21 days of gratitude from now until christmas eve. we'll see what happens. wow! maybe i'll learn to be so thankful for my husband that he will no longer annoy the heck out of me with his shouting (that statement will just about guarantee he'll accidentally read this)! maybe i'll be so thankful for my children that they will be the most well-behaved, non-toy-throwing children ever!
just eating their veggies would be a good start...
Wednesday, 21 November 2007
trying to keep the promise of 21 days of gratitude
i seriously need to attract more time in my life. i am hereby really REALLY REALLY thankful for the abundance of time i have in my life right now.
i have more than enough time to come and post about my 21 days of gratitude, which so far, has been compacted into one. yes, i went to the
i really had a positive reaction to the psychology of happiness site (will insert link later) that they link to, mainly because i'm a psychology grad and love the idea of a happiness psychology. i'd love to be a professor of that. yes, i know, i try to say it now, but i'd like the actual title with it. :)
anyway, so you're supposed to log 5 things a day you're thankful for. tomorrow i'll insert day one's five things (seriously, it's the novel-writing thing getting in the way.) along with day two's five things and day three's five things which i will have to do tomorrow, and hopefully will end with day four's five things, which tomorrow is. nothing like scrunching it all in, eh?
okay, i got 1000 more words tonight before i can go to bed. i can't WAIT for november. (www.nanowrimo.org)
i have more than enough time to come and post about my 21 days of gratitude, which so far, has been compacted into one. yes, i went to the
21daysofgratitude.com
site (that was way bigger than i wanted, but i'm too tired to change it, so just be thankful it isn't filled with lasers...), experienced the thankfulness, and yeah, i feel pretty good.i really had a positive reaction to the psychology of happiness site (will insert link later) that they link to, mainly because i'm a psychology grad and love the idea of a happiness psychology. i'd love to be a professor of that. yes, i know, i try to say it now, but i'd like the actual title with it. :)
anyway, so you're supposed to log 5 things a day you're thankful for. tomorrow i'll insert day one's five things (seriously, it's the novel-writing thing getting in the way.) along with day two's five things and day three's five things which i will have to do tomorrow, and hopefully will end with day four's five things, which tomorrow is. nothing like scrunching it all in, eh?
okay, i got 1000 more words tonight before i can go to bed. i can't WAIT for november. (www.nanowrimo.org)
Monday, 19 November 2007
ooooooooops
okay. you may have been wondering where i was. i did not drop off the planet, although that would seem not much weirder than what i am doing.
i have signed up for NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words before the end of november. hmmm... previously, i'd have thought 'no problem, i blog every day, how hard can pumping out 1667 words a day as part of a story be?!'
yeah. i know.
that was dumb.
yes, i know. i heard you the first time.
aaaanyway. i'm scooting along fine on it, with the exception that apparently, i forgot to take into consideration the fact that i have children and at least one blog. oooooops.
also, i forgot that i like to sleep. occasionally.... gosh how i miss that.
the whole point for me was of kicking my creative outlet skills up to the next notch, which has been great, and i have only done it *because* of following LOA. if it feels good do it. and i sooooo feels good. i love it love it love it. and at least three *THREE* of the words i've written so far have NOT been crappy! really! no, it's true!!! maybe four...
but still, it feels good. so i'm a'doin' it. :)
lessons learned so far?
well, possibly, just POSSIBLY, staying up to 3 am then getting up at 8 am for work is incompatible with trying to achieve the happiness level needed for a lot of LOA stuff. as such, i decided to err on the side of omission with this blog. not that i'm not happy, it's just that my happy side is out looking for a cup of coffee. it will be back, and with a vengeance, but for now, the smiley face is a bit painted-on.
and just because i think i may be really REALLY insane, i have joined Elyse Hope Killoran's 21 days of gratitude. yes, for 21 days, i'm going to do the gratitude thing - this is the perfect month for it, eh? what could possibly go wrong? at any rate, i will always have an update for my journey to abundance, yet at the same time, be writing complete nonsense for my novel. yay!
i encourage you to do the same. with the gratitude.
or the novel, too! if it's in there, dig it out. DIG IT OUT!!!
peace (the kind that exists when the kids go down, not the kind politicians wish on the world)(<=even my jokes are suffering since nanowrimo!),
holly
i have signed up for NaNoWriMo. 50,000 words before the end of november. hmmm... previously, i'd have thought 'no problem, i blog every day, how hard can pumping out 1667 words a day as part of a story be?!'
yeah. i know.
that was dumb.
yes, i know. i heard you the first time.
aaaanyway. i'm scooting along fine on it, with the exception that apparently, i forgot to take into consideration the fact that i have children and at least one blog. oooooops.
also, i forgot that i like to sleep. occasionally.... gosh how i miss that.
the whole point for me was of kicking my creative outlet skills up to the next notch, which has been great, and i have only done it *because* of following LOA. if it feels good do it. and i sooooo feels good. i love it love it love it. and at least three *THREE* of the words i've written so far have NOT been crappy! really! no, it's true!!! maybe four...
but still, it feels good. so i'm a'doin' it. :)
lessons learned so far?
well, possibly, just POSSIBLY, staying up to 3 am then getting up at 8 am for work is incompatible with trying to achieve the happiness level needed for a lot of LOA stuff. as such, i decided to err on the side of omission with this blog. not that i'm not happy, it's just that my happy side is out looking for a cup of coffee. it will be back, and with a vengeance, but for now, the smiley face is a bit painted-on.
and just because i think i may be really REALLY insane, i have joined Elyse Hope Killoran's 21 days of gratitude. yes, for 21 days, i'm going to do the gratitude thing - this is the perfect month for it, eh? what could possibly go wrong? at any rate, i will always have an update for my journey to abundance, yet at the same time, be writing complete nonsense for my novel. yay!
i encourage you to do the same. with the gratitude.
or the novel, too! if it's in there, dig it out. DIG IT OUT!!!
peace (the kind that exists when the kids go down, not the kind politicians wish on the world)(<=even my jokes are suffering since nanowrimo!),
holly
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Tuesday, 6 November 2007
making life more parking-spaces-like
it seems i can make a parking space in front of my house out of thin air now.
at 9pm at night, it is just about impossible for most people to get parked on our street if they aren't already parked. not me. we drove home yesterday, and the street was packed. i said "oh, i'd really love a spot in front of the house. universe?" then i closed my eyes. i saw the space. there was no space. i closed my eyes, and thought "i know it will come any second." and i knew it.
someone pulled away.
some person who i hadn't seen come out of a house pulled away from our street, leaving me the space!
if my whole life could be like parking spaces, it would be so awesome. what i need is to ask the universe for that gazillion dollars in the same frame of mind as the parking space. in fact, from now on, universe, whenever i get a parking place, i want a gazillion dollars there too. nice. thank you.
so i've asked.
now i have to (step 2, according to The Secret) believe. i do. i totally do. no, i don't believe a gazillion dollars is going to be in the parking space. i have to start believing there's going to be a gazillion dollars in the parking space.
then i can move on to step 3 - the receiving.
i half got something else i wanted today. i really wanted a response to a letter i sent. all the way home i believed i was going to get it. i so did. it so wasn't the response i wanted. but instead of focusing on that response, i'm going to send the letter to other agencies. one of *them* will give me the response i want. i know it. i want it, i believe - i truly believe it. so now i am just going to sit back and receive it. in my big ol' parking space.
at 9pm at night, it is just about impossible for most people to get parked on our street if they aren't already parked. not me. we drove home yesterday, and the street was packed. i said "oh, i'd really love a spot in front of the house. universe?" then i closed my eyes. i saw the space. there was no space. i closed my eyes, and thought "i know it will come any second." and i knew it.
someone pulled away.
some person who i hadn't seen come out of a house pulled away from our street, leaving me the space!
if my whole life could be like parking spaces, it would be so awesome. what i need is to ask the universe for that gazillion dollars in the same frame of mind as the parking space. in fact, from now on, universe, whenever i get a parking place, i want a gazillion dollars there too. nice. thank you.
so i've asked.
now i have to (step 2, according to The Secret) believe. i do. i totally do. no, i don't believe a gazillion dollars is going to be in the parking space. i have to start believing there's going to be a gazillion dollars in the parking space.
then i can move on to step 3 - the receiving.
i half got something else i wanted today. i really wanted a response to a letter i sent. all the way home i believed i was going to get it. i so did. it so wasn't the response i wanted. but instead of focusing on that response, i'm going to send the letter to other agencies. one of *them* will give me the response i want. i know it. i want it, i believe - i truly believe it. so now i am just going to sit back and receive it. in my big ol' parking space.
Friday, 2 November 2007
what a healthy healthy halloween
i didn't post night before last because i didn't have anything fantastic to say. however, that was because i was looking for something *better* than the norm to write about. and how lovely is it that my life has started to be so lovely that now my standard is 'it has to be absolutely amazing' to write. but what i was forgetting is that it's all amazing.
wednesday night we went to a halloween party. there were games such as eat-a-donut-off-a-string and bobbing-for-apples. well, i got caught up in the fun of the evening, so i, too, played the donut game. it was fun to absolutely be in a place where i didn't care that i probably looked like an idiot. (there was no 'probably' - we all did). and then afterwards, it struck me that i was to caught up in the moment that i didn't realize it was something i *never* ever do. i do *not* drink from other people's glasses. i do not use public toilets, and i do *not* eat a donut off a string that a bunch of other people have tried to eat a donut off of.
why? because the old me was *extremely* germ conscious. i didn't want to come in contact with millions of other people's germs. goodness sake, you could get all kinds of sick!
well not anymore. i just don't believe it. i am not at all attracting sickness. here it is, the next day, and i'm fit as a fiddle. ready to go for a jog tonight.
and as if to say 'trust me, you'll be alright,' i'm sure it was the universe that put an article on my homepage today which talked about 'the myths of the common cold'. apparently you *can't* just get it by being in the room with other people who have them! who knew! so i have decided it's okay that i did this. i absolutely love being healthy, and i think i shall continue to do that.
i didn't, however, bob for apples. that's just yucky.
wednesday night we went to a halloween party. there were games such as eat-a-donut-off-a-string and bobbing-for-apples. well, i got caught up in the fun of the evening, so i, too, played the donut game. it was fun to absolutely be in a place where i didn't care that i probably looked like an idiot. (there was no 'probably' - we all did). and then afterwards, it struck me that i was to caught up in the moment that i didn't realize it was something i *never* ever do. i do *not* drink from other people's glasses. i do not use public toilets, and i do *not* eat a donut off a string that a bunch of other people have tried to eat a donut off of.
why? because the old me was *extremely* germ conscious. i didn't want to come in contact with millions of other people's germs. goodness sake, you could get all kinds of sick!
well not anymore. i just don't believe it. i am not at all attracting sickness. here it is, the next day, and i'm fit as a fiddle. ready to go for a jog tonight.
and as if to say 'trust me, you'll be alright,' i'm sure it was the universe that put an article on my homepage today which talked about 'the myths of the common cold'. apparently you *can't* just get it by being in the room with other people who have them! who knew! so i have decided it's okay that i did this. i absolutely love being healthy, and i think i shall continue to do that.
i didn't, however, bob for apples. that's just yucky.
Tuesday, 30 October 2007
enjoying the journey
i had a great jog this evening, and realized, mid-run, that for the first time in possibly, oh EVER, i was NOT thinking about the end of the run. i wasn't focused on the finish point. i was just out there, enjoying being running! it was totally amazing. i turned my head sideways, and noticed that i was fairly bookin' it, i mean, for me. sometimes when you're looking forward only, you don't notice how fast you're going, or that you're moving at all. hmmm. how many levels does that work on?
anyway, i always wanted it to be like this. and here it is.
i realized that's where the bliss is. it's in the middle of things. *finishing* my code isn't nearly as blissful as being in the middle of the flow of it. although finishing does give me a buzz too.
and the children. oh goodness, when the little 'un isn't throwing things, he's soooo cute. and i take great joy in just watching him discover.
similarly, there are few things better than having discussions with the 8-y-o over pumpkin carving. those moments are great to get stuck in.
last night the three of us were making halloween cookies. i work full-time, so i just got instant cookie mix. i really wasn't keen on m2 being involved, as i could see flour going everywhere, and i was too exhausted for a major cleaning session. so he slowly sidled up to the chair. then he sat on the chair and looked at me. then he just sat there, occasionally pointing to whatever we'd done and saying "ayuu-uh," his word for everything he doesn't yet have a word for.
then i thought, "well it's not like flour *isn't* going to get a few places, okay, fine." and i let him push a few cookie cutters into the dough. oh how he loved it, and so what if it was messier. he was having a great time, right up to the point...
that he sneezed all over the cookies.
it's a good thing i bought three boxes....
anyway, i always wanted it to be like this. and here it is.
i realized that's where the bliss is. it's in the middle of things. *finishing* my code isn't nearly as blissful as being in the middle of the flow of it. although finishing does give me a buzz too.
and the children. oh goodness, when the little 'un isn't throwing things, he's soooo cute. and i take great joy in just watching him discover.
similarly, there are few things better than having discussions with the 8-y-o over pumpkin carving. those moments are great to get stuck in.
last night the three of us were making halloween cookies. i work full-time, so i just got instant cookie mix. i really wasn't keen on m2 being involved, as i could see flour going everywhere, and i was too exhausted for a major cleaning session. so he slowly sidled up to the chair. then he sat on the chair and looked at me. then he just sat there, occasionally pointing to whatever we'd done and saying "ayuu-uh," his word for everything he doesn't yet have a word for.
then i thought, "well it's not like flour *isn't* going to get a few places, okay, fine." and i let him push a few cookie cutters into the dough. oh how he loved it, and so what if it was messier. he was having a great time, right up to the point...
that he sneezed all over the cookies.
it's a good thing i bought three boxes....
Monday, 29 October 2007
the birthday present from Rhonda Byrne
it was a typical monday.
i am not yet in the habit of gratitude journalling on the weekends because the w/ends just tend to get away from me. i blame the children. oh i'm kidding - i full well realize that i am still attracting the 'time is running out!!!!' experience into my weekends. and i will stop doing that.
i will
i will
i will
next weekend, as the universe is my witness i will make it last an eternity! or at least not make it slip away. a nice lovely long weekend is on my horizons. you read it here first. i'll let you know how that works out.
anyway, driving on towards my point. although i didn't do any gratitude or pray-rain journal at the weekend, i did do one today. at a reasonable breaking point at work, i whipped out my notepad and just wrote away. it only took a couple minutes to fill out the two sides of the paper, and it makes *such* a difference. once you go into that mindset, you get a bit chirpier, a bit of a bounce creeps into your walk, and the smile that had eluded your morning finally surfaces. oh i was smiling before that, but it was the smile that everyone knows is fake. the 'really! i'm serious, i'm really really pretty almost good!'
but having taken a couple minutes to really feel the feelings of where i wanted my vibration to be really changed the rest of the day.
i also thought of how i am already wealthy. that goes a long way to feeling your own abundance. what have i got that i used to really want? i now have the house i wanted for three years, the car i wanted for two years, a job i enjoy, the books i wanted, the computer i wanted.
and something smacked me in the face today that i had hoped for years ago. there is a 'techie' journal that i read occasionally, but the articles used to be way over my head. long ago, i had the intention that in five years, i would be able to pick this journal up and understand every bit of it. that day was today. i couldn't believe it. i read every article in that mag, and it was clear as a bell. a m a z i n g. it was so amazing it made me giddy to think what's ahead of me, now that i'm consciously applying LOA.
to be clear : i am not a geek. just wanted to point that out before continuing. i just understand that magazine.
but THE most amazing thing to happen today was weigh-in. oh yes, monday is weigh-in day, and holly was just attracting maintenance all day long. actually, in my really good-feeling-moments, i was thinking it would be great to have lost a pound, and felt what that was like, but i was really just letting go of the need to have lost any weight this week.
WHY? well, let's see
a birthday concert.
a birthday four-glasses-of-amaretto
a birthday cup of ice cream
and those were the day BEFORE the birthday!
on the day, i had my favorite almond-marzipan chocolate bar and a terry's mint chocolate orange.
then, on saturday, we had a movie with obligatory sweets, dinner at a place where the menu serves half- and quarter- chickens. (i mean c'mon! work with me here! i need to make it home in one pair of jeans!) then i had my favorite thing i have every year on my birthday. ice cream mushed into a cake slice. yuuuuuuuuuuuum.
did i mention i'd had starbucks on friday?
i also went running on wednesday.
but clearly, it was not a dieting-type week. but my mantra all week was what Rhonda said on The Secret cds. "i eat whatever i want and maintain my perfect weight." that was the best gift she has given me on that series. it's all gold, but this has been fantastic - virtually instant manifestation of what i want!
so that was my mantra all week and it bloody worked!!!! i lost a pound and a half this week! woo hoo!!!!!!
now before i get told by some readers that i can't really just go eat anything i want and yet magically lose weight, i have two things to say:
a) when you can eat anything you want to eat, you want to eat the right things more often than not. and when you're happy most of the time like LOA encourages, you don't need 'comfort food' like maybe you used to. but more importantly,
b) i think i just proved i can, actually :)
all the same, i got a whole pile of veggies in today. d'em's good eatin'!
Friday, 26 October 2007
back to form
okay. i think i got the sugar out of my system. today was a glorious day. nothing particularly lovely happened, it just *was lovely*. i had decided to just feel good, and did.
actually, i'm wrong, something lovely *did* happen. my code - the code that i 'finished' writing a couple days ago - had bugs. that's a natural part of the software lifecycle. there be bugs, so find them, squash them.
a HA, but the system is so complex that i don't really know how to test it. (i only wrote a small component of the overall system.) enter a, the stereotypical techie. he of the there is no software i can't understand community. and, co-architect of the system. my bug is preventing him from using something *he* wrote. but bless him, he good-naturedly looks at where he suspects the problem is. finds it, tweaks it, with me looking over his shoulder. it was the easiest thing in the world - particularly as he did most of the work. actually the easiest thing in the world would have been for me to stay home. but i did one better, i went to work and looked over a's shoulder. i love teamwork!
i am absolutely blessed by having really great programmers as co-workers. it makes it easy to deal with problems like this, as normally i can find the bug, but sometimes, like today, i needed help.
i have a really good rapport with my coworkers and boss, and that is the great thing about working where i do. it means i can have exchanges like this with my boss:
"holly, do you have any tipex?" (note: 'tipex' is white-out)
"um, no, it tends to get the screen all mucky."
everyone laughed, including, thank god, my boss. but i suppose you had to be there.
actually, i'm wrong, something lovely *did* happen. my code - the code that i 'finished' writing a couple days ago - had bugs. that's a natural part of the software lifecycle. there be bugs, so find them, squash them.
a HA, but the system is so complex that i don't really know how to test it. (i only wrote a small component of the overall system.) enter a, the stereotypical techie. he of the there is no software i can't understand community. and, co-architect of the system. my bug is preventing him from using something *he* wrote. but bless him, he good-naturedly looks at where he suspects the problem is. finds it, tweaks it, with me looking over his shoulder. it was the easiest thing in the world - particularly as he did most of the work. actually the easiest thing in the world would have been for me to stay home. but i did one better, i went to work and looked over a's shoulder. i love teamwork!
i am absolutely blessed by having really great programmers as co-workers. it makes it easy to deal with problems like this, as normally i can find the bug, but sometimes, like today, i needed help.
i have a really good rapport with my coworkers and boss, and that is the great thing about working where i do. it means i can have exchanges like this with my boss:
"holly, do you have any tipex?" (note: 'tipex' is white-out)
"um, no, it tends to get the screen all mucky."
everyone laughed, including, thank god, my boss. but i suppose you had to be there.
Thursday, 25 October 2007
learning the lessons of a sugar high
note to self : ignore the sugar. attract more healthy food.
so after the indulgence of cake day, i have struggled come back from the brink of disaster my sugar-overdose took me to. it turns out that i prefer not having sugar. who knew?
why do i prefer not having the sugar? because today i struggled with the following types of thoughts:
me: "oh i feel great today."
the sugar: "you don't, you lousy woman you are fakin' every bit of this."
me: "no, i really feel the love. i feel my inner being."
the sugar: "that is *me* swirling around your system. and i'm staying as long as i can, and i'm going to make you pay! and once i go, you're going to wish i was back. ha ha ha!"
me: "okay, i am a competent programmer."
the sugar: "you don't know jack about any of those little things you're typing, you should give it up now."
me: "perhaps i'll just have a nap. that would feel better."
the sugar: "that's right. ha ha ha throw your life away in bed. that's what i wanted all along!"
then i got home, and it was:
the sugar: "how very nice of my husband to wait for me to get home from the parent-teacher conference he sent me to, show me where the food he wants cooked is, then leave me to a bunch of dirty pans to cook it in. charming."
me: "i'm busy in bed feeling love. don't bother me."
the sugar: "i'll just bang this pan on the oven. that will let him know i'm annoyed."
me: "you probably shouldn't behave that way. he has no way of knowing why you're annoyed. you should have told him to start the dinner. he's a man - he doesn't get it otherwise."
the sugar: "ha right! like he'd have cooked anything that wasn't covered with three inches of batter!"
me: "i'm going to go over here and try feeling the love again."
the sugar: "don't you want some more of ME first?!"
in the end, i'm hoping i won out, because i'm amusing myself with the idea of today's lack being because of some extra sugar floating around the old bloodstream. i have started flushing water through the ol' system, and hey, who knows what i could attract and allow tomorrow. i think it will be something great.
i *was* able, in spite of the sugar, to find humour in a letter from the city council. it was a reply to my husband's letter, which states why they are not going to do anything about dogs that poop outside our front door. their arguments were:
a) people who follow the signs they put up don't need the signs - they pick it up anyway
b) people who *don't* follow the signs won't obey the signs they put up
with logic like that, it's not hard to figure out that if there's going to be poop-free pavement in front of my house, i have to ignore the poop. that's my mantra for tomorrow : ignore the poop.
so after the indulgence of cake day, i have struggled come back from the brink of disaster my sugar-overdose took me to. it turns out that i prefer not having sugar. who knew?
why do i prefer not having the sugar? because today i struggled with the following types of thoughts:
me: "oh i feel great today."
the sugar: "you don't, you lousy woman you are fakin' every bit of this."
me: "no, i really feel the love. i feel my inner being."
the sugar: "that is *me* swirling around your system. and i'm staying as long as i can, and i'm going to make you pay! and once i go, you're going to wish i was back. ha ha ha!"
me: "okay, i am a competent programmer."
the sugar: "you don't know jack about any of those little things you're typing, you should give it up now."
me: "perhaps i'll just have a nap. that would feel better."
the sugar: "that's right. ha ha ha throw your life away in bed. that's what i wanted all along!"
then i got home, and it was:
the sugar: "how very nice of my husband to wait for me to get home from the parent-teacher conference he sent me to, show me where the food he wants cooked is, then leave me to a bunch of dirty pans to cook it in. charming."
me: "i'm busy in bed feeling love. don't bother me."
the sugar: "i'll just bang this pan on the oven. that will let him know i'm annoyed."
me: "you probably shouldn't behave that way. he has no way of knowing why you're annoyed. you should have told him to start the dinner. he's a man - he doesn't get it otherwise."
the sugar: "ha right! like he'd have cooked anything that wasn't covered with three inches of batter!"
me: "i'm going to go over here and try feeling the love again."
the sugar: "don't you want some more of ME first?!"
in the end, i'm hoping i won out, because i'm amusing myself with the idea of today's lack being because of some extra sugar floating around the old bloodstream. i have started flushing water through the ol' system, and hey, who knows what i could attract and allow tomorrow. i think it will be something great.
i *was* able, in spite of the sugar, to find humour in a letter from the city council. it was a reply to my husband's letter, which states why they are not going to do anything about dogs that poop outside our front door. their arguments were:
a) people who follow the signs they put up don't need the signs - they pick it up anyway
b) people who *don't* follow the signs won't obey the signs they put up
with logic like that, it's not hard to figure out that if there's going to be poop-free pavement in front of my house, i have to ignore the poop. that's my mantra for tomorrow : ignore the poop.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
a truly fabulous annual cake day
although there was no actual cake. but there was plenty of other stuff. oh man did i make up for several hundred days of being 'good'. it's not that i've been depriving myself, i just like the new way of eating. but once in awhile, you gotta have an extraordinary day. i had cookies, a piece of almond cake slice (does not count as cake), and half of pecan pie dessert pot. yes, i know how to pack it away, friends. but i now have no trouble maintaining my perfect weight, so this will have no bearing on it. it was so gooooooood at the time. mind you, a couple hundred days without junk, your body doesn't really like to process junk as much. that's all i'll say about that. let's just say i won't be having another junk day soon. :)
but the day started really nicely with oodles of hugs from my son. and okay, no husbands or daughters said the "happy birthday" greeting this morning, but i was greeted at work with cards, flowers, wine and girlie goodies. niiiice. i shall have soft hands and sparkly lips for a good while. it could happen, i could attract more pampering in my life. . . if i wanted to. . .
and this was after waking up an hour late. i just felt like feeling good, and bed felt good. so i stay an hour late. no big whoop. what's amazing about this? well, being an hour late makes you have to park in parking lot number two. nosiree, i got to the roundabout 1/4 mile away, and thought "i'd love to have a parking spot waiting for me in the first lot." then i just saw it.
yup. it was there. WOW! this is really amazing. i know it doesn't sound that amazing, but it really is impossible to get a spot if you're more than 30 minutes late. an hour? no way! yay me!
and i even got well-wishes from my hawaiian friends. this reminds me of the biggest thing of all that's changed since i started seriously trying to apply LOA. instead of missing them in a "why oh why did i ever move away, why can't i be there, why can't they be here, sob sob sob" kind of way (they don't have that section in the card store, i checked), i now miss them in a "what a great time we had, isn't it great we still keep in touch, won't it be great to see them again" kind of way (although that, too, is not in the card store).
oh but wait. i work with 5 guys. very technie face-in-computer dudes. very nice, but not at all touchy-feely. well these guys got me flowers! how cool is that?
basically, i was showered with affection, love and good feelings today. nice one.
the code i have been working on, and trying to attract the end to, is DONE as of today. that was nice. wow is it nice. it turns out, in order to be competent, all i had to do was realize i *am*.
this marks a real drastic change from past birthdays. i won't give energy to it by talking about it but let's just say in the past i have attracted severe lack on this day. i love that i stopped doing that! let's all stop attracting birthday lack! i think we can all do this one day. yes?
and now i must tell my son i'd like to attract more sleeping-type behaviour from him.
and, of course, me :)
but the day started really nicely with oodles of hugs from my son. and okay, no husbands or daughters said the "happy birthday" greeting this morning, but i was greeted at work with cards, flowers, wine and girlie goodies. niiiice. i shall have soft hands and sparkly lips for a good while. it could happen, i could attract more pampering in my life. . . if i wanted to. . .
and this was after waking up an hour late. i just felt like feeling good, and bed felt good. so i stay an hour late. no big whoop. what's amazing about this? well, being an hour late makes you have to park in parking lot number two. nosiree, i got to the roundabout 1/4 mile away, and thought "i'd love to have a parking spot waiting for me in the first lot." then i just saw it.
yup. it was there. WOW! this is really amazing. i know it doesn't sound that amazing, but it really is impossible to get a spot if you're more than 30 minutes late. an hour? no way! yay me!
and i even got well-wishes from my hawaiian friends. this reminds me of the biggest thing of all that's changed since i started seriously trying to apply LOA. instead of missing them in a "why oh why did i ever move away, why can't i be there, why can't they be here, sob sob sob" kind of way (they don't have that section in the card store, i checked), i now miss them in a "what a great time we had, isn't it great we still keep in touch, won't it be great to see them again" kind of way (although that, too, is not in the card store).
oh but wait. i work with 5 guys. very technie face-in-computer dudes. very nice, but not at all touchy-feely. well these guys got me flowers! how cool is that?
basically, i was showered with affection, love and good feelings today. nice one.
the code i have been working on, and trying to attract the end to, is DONE as of today. that was nice. wow is it nice. it turns out, in order to be competent, all i had to do was realize i *am*.
this marks a real drastic change from past birthdays. i won't give energy to it by talking about it but let's just say in the past i have attracted severe lack on this day. i love that i stopped doing that! let's all stop attracting birthday lack! i think we can all do this one day. yes?
and now i must tell my son i'd like to attract more sleeping-type behaviour from him.
and, of course, me :)
Monday, 22 October 2007
blueberry squash, key chains and RUFUS!
oh, but a lot of thought manifested today!
to start with, although i got a bit lax about gratitude-journaling at the weekend, i *still* got a call from my husband out of the blue, asking if i wanted such-and-such a cd. nice! yes, i *will* have them! a little bit of journaling goes a long long way.
then, i was given a bottle of blueberry squash (british concentrate that you dilute with water to make a drink out of). my co-worker didn't like it. now i was in the shop two days ago, spotted it and thought "hmmm...i wonder what that tastes like; i'd quite like to try it!" but i was in a hurry, and had to complete my shopping mission, which still included an assortment of peanuts for the guests we were having over, so i didn't stop. well this was a nice way to get to taste it. it turns out, i love it. :)
and i have a keychain that holds a fake pound coin for inserting into shopping trolleys while you shop. it broke midweek, and i was a bit disappointed, but not overly so. i thought i'd keep the fake coin, and see if i could make-shift some other key-chain combination, or just hold onto it in case i needed a spare for the next one i got. WELL! what was on the ground right outside my car when i got back from my shopping mission? a brand new shiny fake pound coin keychain, needing a fake coin! thank YOU universe! it was really weird, like someone bought it and dropped it next to my car on purpose! really, if someone is following me around with a 'candid camera' type scenario, could you just please tell me now? no wait, don't, i like this whole magic thing that's going on.
but the best thing was that i got to go see Rufus Wainwright in concert tonight. WOW he was fabulous! the reason his fabulous-ness gets a mention in this particular blog, is that i had a few 'flashback' moments tonight, to when i would listen to his songs and think how much i'd love to hear this one or that one live in concert. AND HERE I WAS! rufus didn't come to bristol, which is bigger. he came to cardiff! he came to me, to play these songs for me! yay! and so what if i was sitting in the nose-bleed seats! next time i'll attract a closer seat! i intend to sit closer to rufus at his next concert. there, it is done. YAY!
okay, i must sleep, for tomorrow is my annual cake day. and what a nice cake day it shall be.
to start with, although i got a bit lax about gratitude-journaling at the weekend, i *still* got a call from my husband out of the blue, asking if i wanted such-and-such a cd. nice! yes, i *will* have them! a little bit of journaling goes a long long way.
then, i was given a bottle of blueberry squash (british concentrate that you dilute with water to make a drink out of). my co-worker didn't like it. now i was in the shop two days ago, spotted it and thought "hmmm...i wonder what that tastes like; i'd quite like to try it!" but i was in a hurry, and had to complete my shopping mission, which still included an assortment of peanuts for the guests we were having over, so i didn't stop. well this was a nice way to get to taste it. it turns out, i love it. :)
and i have a keychain that holds a fake pound coin for inserting into shopping trolleys while you shop. it broke midweek, and i was a bit disappointed, but not overly so. i thought i'd keep the fake coin, and see if i could make-shift some other key-chain combination, or just hold onto it in case i needed a spare for the next one i got. WELL! what was on the ground right outside my car when i got back from my shopping mission? a brand new shiny fake pound coin keychain, needing a fake coin! thank YOU universe! it was really weird, like someone bought it and dropped it next to my car on purpose! really, if someone is following me around with a 'candid camera' type scenario, could you just please tell me now? no wait, don't, i like this whole magic thing that's going on.
but the best thing was that i got to go see Rufus Wainwright in concert tonight. WOW he was fabulous! the reason his fabulous-ness gets a mention in this particular blog, is that i had a few 'flashback' moments tonight, to when i would listen to his songs and think how much i'd love to hear this one or that one live in concert. AND HERE I WAS! rufus didn't come to bristol, which is bigger. he came to cardiff! he came to me, to play these songs for me! yay! and so what if i was sitting in the nose-bleed seats! next time i'll attract a closer seat! i intend to sit closer to rufus at his next concert. there, it is done. YAY!
okay, i must sleep, for tomorrow is my annual cake day. and what a nice cake day it shall be.
Sunday, 21 October 2007
my new coat of many colors
it's definitely becoming habit to get out of bed thinking 'this is going to be a great day,' and then to have a great day.
now last night i didn't post, but it was a gotta-practice day. hubby took daughter to see a movie i'd been wanting to take her to. so i REAAAALLLLy had to focus on how great it was that they were spending some time together. i *had* been writing in my pray-rain journal that he would spend more quality time with her. i couldn't now say 'how dare my attractions come to me!'
so i did have a lovely afternoon with my son. oh wow did we have fun. he is really becoming a lovely little boy. well he's always been lovely, but he keeps adding new dimensions to his loveliness. we shared a bowl of lunch, we gave each other silly looks out the corner of our eyes, and tumbled around the floor like idiots. hey! he's 2! this is how life is supposed to be at 2! and it was great!
the evening was spent intending to be this side of tipsy by the time bedtime came, as i had stuff i wanted to accomplish today. so i did not keep pace with our wine-bearing friends. i had one malibu - okay two malibus okay it was three small ones in cherryade but NO MORE. and called it good. and the amazing thing about that is that i was at the shop earlier in the evening, procuring snacks for the get-together. i had the thought 'y'know, it would be great if there was a cherry flavoured drink i could have tonight.' and when i picked up my husband's favourite soft drink, there was the cherry-ade! i thought 'naw, couldn't be', and checked a little closer. sugar free! we have a winner! (truth be told, i probably would have had it even if it had sugar, as a certain blogger's birthday is less than 48 hours away!)
so this morning, i woke up to the cute sounds of my son trying to get my daughter's attention. 'manya! .........manya! ...........manya! ..............manya!'
i drag my butt I MEAN HAPPILY WALK downstairs and ask "would you not please answer him?"
"okay, what is it m2?"
"hiiiiyu-uh" that is his word for.......everything. but in this case he wanted her to read him a book.
chuckling, i slammed a banana down and instructed them to dress themselves we were on for an outing. starbucks was calling me, as it does on sundays.
driving down, i just was in a really good mood, just because i wanted to be. we got to the car park, and as i was pulling up to the ticket dispenser, i said wistfully, "oh universe, i'd love a spot on the second or third level, close to the elevators."
m1 pipes up, "why don't you ask for one on the first level?"
"well, it needs to be believable, and i've only just asked."
i pull up the ramp and there is one smack dab as we pull up the ramp. wow! level 2 it is! but it leaves us a little cramped for exiting-the-car room. so i say "um, no, i need a space that is easy to get out of and close to the lifts."
next level, BANG! there it is! i'm amazed at the unusual number of spaces, and we get one next to the elevator!
we get downstairs to start our trek to borders/starbucks, and m1 looks at me and says "there's a spot on the first level!" why oh why don't we listen to the children? "wow!" i say, although i shouldn't have been amazed. i asked for one on the 2nd/3rd level, believed, and received. she asked for one on the 1st level, believed, and if i'd have just turned down the 1st level row, we'd have used what she received! constantly learning, i am.
still, we were on our way to a nice little nibble session at starbucks. on the way, i saw the sign of the sports business that has been going out of business, ALL STOCK MUST GO, for a year now. hmmm... i thought it might have a coat. i now need a new coat since i am constantly moving towards my perfect weight, making my old coat too large. i say "oh i'd love a new coat today, a colorful one that is kind of sporty." and then i think about looking on the way back to the car.
we have a nice time in starbucks, and peruse the heck out of borders. walking out with our purchases, it hits me that tk-maxx (americans - yes, in britain, it is tk, not tj) might have something in the area of coats. i never go in tk, but i figure what the heck, i'm not chasing time today. i decide not to care that the kids are running around a circular clothes rack, and i specifically decide not to attract someone to ask us to leave, or give us any odd looks. so no one did either. and the perfect coat all but smacked me in the face. it was vibrantly gorgeous. and it goes with my LOA red toyota car! how perfect! i shall get a picture uploaded soon. and the best thing about it is that it makes me feel like a million bucks - you want something, you gotta feel like it, and now i really can! it is my LOA coat all the way! and it was almost made to my exact spec. there are pockets all over the dang thing, and sporty? it's a ski jacket! i have always wanted one of those!
i can't wait to see what i attract with my new million-dollar-feeling coat!!!
now last night i didn't post, but it was a gotta-practice day. hubby took daughter to see a movie i'd been wanting to take her to. so i REAAAALLLLy had to focus on how great it was that they were spending some time together. i *had* been writing in my pray-rain journal that he would spend more quality time with her. i couldn't now say 'how dare my attractions come to me!'
so i did have a lovely afternoon with my son. oh wow did we have fun. he is really becoming a lovely little boy. well he's always been lovely, but he keeps adding new dimensions to his loveliness. we shared a bowl of lunch, we gave each other silly looks out the corner of our eyes, and tumbled around the floor like idiots. hey! he's 2! this is how life is supposed to be at 2! and it was great!
the evening was spent intending to be this side of tipsy by the time bedtime came, as i had stuff i wanted to accomplish today. so i did not keep pace with our wine-bearing friends. i had one malibu - okay two malibus okay it was three small ones in cherryade but NO MORE. and called it good. and the amazing thing about that is that i was at the shop earlier in the evening, procuring snacks for the get-together. i had the thought 'y'know, it would be great if there was a cherry flavoured drink i could have tonight.' and when i picked up my husband's favourite soft drink, there was the cherry-ade! i thought 'naw, couldn't be', and checked a little closer. sugar free! we have a winner! (truth be told, i probably would have had it even if it had sugar, as a certain blogger's birthday is less than 48 hours away!)
so this morning, i woke up to the cute sounds of my son trying to get my daughter's attention. 'manya! .........manya! ...........manya! ..............manya!'
i drag my butt I MEAN HAPPILY WALK downstairs and ask "would you not please answer him?"
"okay, what is it m2?"
"hiiiiyu-uh" that is his word for.......everything. but in this case he wanted her to read him a book.
chuckling, i slammed a banana down and instructed them to dress themselves we were on for an outing. starbucks was calling me, as it does on sundays.
driving down, i just was in a really good mood, just because i wanted to be. we got to the car park, and as i was pulling up to the ticket dispenser, i said wistfully, "oh universe, i'd love a spot on the second or third level, close to the elevators."
m1 pipes up, "why don't you ask for one on the first level?"
"well, it needs to be believable, and i've only just asked."
i pull up the ramp and there is one smack dab as we pull up the ramp. wow! level 2 it is! but it leaves us a little cramped for exiting-the-car room. so i say "um, no, i need a space that is easy to get out of and close to the lifts."
next level, BANG! there it is! i'm amazed at the unusual number of spaces, and we get one next to the elevator!
we get downstairs to start our trek to borders/starbucks, and m1 looks at me and says "there's a spot on the first level!" why oh why don't we listen to the children? "wow!" i say, although i shouldn't have been amazed. i asked for one on the 2nd/3rd level, believed, and received. she asked for one on the 1st level, believed, and if i'd have just turned down the 1st level row, we'd have used what she received! constantly learning, i am.
still, we were on our way to a nice little nibble session at starbucks. on the way, i saw the sign of the sports business that has been going out of business, ALL STOCK MUST GO, for a year now. hmmm... i thought it might have a coat. i now need a new coat since i am constantly moving towards my perfect weight, making my old coat too large. i say "oh i'd love a new coat today, a colorful one that is kind of sporty." and then i think about looking on the way back to the car.
we have a nice time in starbucks, and peruse the heck out of borders. walking out with our purchases, it hits me that tk-maxx (americans - yes, in britain, it is tk, not tj) might have something in the area of coats. i never go in tk, but i figure what the heck, i'm not chasing time today. i decide not to care that the kids are running around a circular clothes rack, and i specifically decide not to attract someone to ask us to leave, or give us any odd looks. so no one did either. and the perfect coat all but smacked me in the face. it was vibrantly gorgeous. and it goes with my LOA red toyota car! how perfect! i shall get a picture uploaded soon. and the best thing about it is that it makes me feel like a million bucks - you want something, you gotta feel like it, and now i really can! it is my LOA coat all the way! and it was almost made to my exact spec. there are pockets all over the dang thing, and sporty? it's a ski jacket! i have always wanted one of those!
i can't wait to see what i attract with my new million-dollar-feeling coat!!!
Friday, 19 October 2007
a little bit of sleep goes a long long way
oh wow what a day i had. who knew that getting the right amount of sleep would so facilitate the LOA?
although clearly i didn't learn my lesson, as it is 1:06. this is the LAST time i will write after midnight. gotta be.
particularly after today, in which holly discovered that the combination of a good night's sleep AND happy feelings AND letting go just makes things rocket towards you. today i was given a birthday present - and it was something i had been wanting for QUITE some time, and the person could NOT have known it (it's geeky/techie, and i don't mention those things to her, she's more human-resources-y). WOW!!!
and some information i have been looking for plopped right in my lap (well, my desktop, which is on my laptop, which, yes! is on my lap!)
and although i have been mentioning code working for quite some time, the BIG test of really working was today. RIGHT AS GOING HOME TIME CAME, the dang thing worked perfectly. my coworkers are starting to tease me about my victory dance. why the heck not!?!
but the freakiest thing of all. it shouldn't be freaky, after all the things i've witnessed recently, but it is. on The Secret cds, when (i will have to look up and edit this post later to put the right name in) says he just visualizes cheques coming, i thought "hey, i want some of that." so i have been visualizing cheques coming in the mail.
what did i do today? i was holding a stack of cheques that had come in. a STACK. just like i'd pictured. now they were in amounts on the order of XX, and i really kind of wanted the order of XXXX, but hey, i'll take the XXs. they work too! the amazing thing is that i was holding a bloody stack of cheques, folks! this stuff works! i just really have to working on
a) getting clearer; and
b) the letting go - the allowing.
it doesn't just snap to. but the development is so awesome. i can't WAIT to see what's next!
and hopefully my son will sleep in tomorrow. OR, in the next few minutes, i will be able to attract a time machine to take me back one hour, write this post and go to bed. but that sounds like an awful lot of work for one day. i'll just have the intention that tomorrow will be wonderful.
i'll let you know. :)
although clearly i didn't learn my lesson, as it is 1:06. this is the LAST time i will write after midnight. gotta be.
particularly after today, in which holly discovered that the combination of a good night's sleep AND happy feelings AND letting go just makes things rocket towards you. today i was given a birthday present - and it was something i had been wanting for QUITE some time, and the person could NOT have known it (it's geeky/techie, and i don't mention those things to her, she's more human-resources-y). WOW!!!
and some information i have been looking for plopped right in my lap (well, my desktop, which is on my laptop, which, yes! is on my lap!)
and although i have been mentioning code working for quite some time, the BIG test of really working was today. RIGHT AS GOING HOME TIME CAME, the dang thing worked perfectly. my coworkers are starting to tease me about my victory dance. why the heck not!?!
but the freakiest thing of all. it shouldn't be freaky, after all the things i've witnessed recently, but it is. on The Secret cds, when (i will have to look up and edit this post later to put the right name in) says he just visualizes cheques coming, i thought "hey, i want some of that." so i have been visualizing cheques coming in the mail.
what did i do today? i was holding a stack of cheques that had come in. a STACK. just like i'd pictured. now they were in amounts on the order of XX, and i really kind of wanted the order of XXXX, but hey, i'll take the XXs. they work too! the amazing thing is that i was holding a bloody stack of cheques, folks! this stuff works! i just really have to working on
a) getting clearer; and
b) the letting go - the allowing.
it doesn't just snap to. but the development is so awesome. i can't WAIT to see what's next!
and hopefully my son will sleep in tomorrow. OR, in the next few minutes, i will be able to attract a time machine to take me back one hour, write this post and go to bed. but that sounds like an awful lot of work for one day. i'll just have the intention that tomorrow will be wonderful.
i'll let you know. :)
Thursday, 18 October 2007
a bit of contrast
i have reduced my sleep intake several nights running just-because-i-have-to-journalize. i have today made the discovery that it is at this time beyond my powers to do so AND be in-line with my inner being. that's not rocket science, i realize, but sometimes you have to smack yourself in the face.
now that's not to say there wasn't anything amazing that happened today. it's just that my idea of amazing may be divergent from my readers'.
i found that normally, when it feels like two different people are boring holes down through the middle of your eyes while you are merely trying to stare at your unfortunately bright monitor to work on the code you don't understand that much because you're tired, i am not all that happy. i mean, i have been happier. in fact, i can get downright obstreperous.
which is to say, the old me could.
new me, me-who-is-discovering-law-of-attaction, knows that
a) shouting things at the monitor attracts more of the bad feelings;
b) it doesn't actually make the code work; and
c) it is much nicer to just close my eyes. i don't have to be 100% on, 100% of the time. it's nice to, but not life-threatening.
and so, for me, it was amazing that i very calmly went about continuing to solve my code. and when i started to again have the 'oh it turns out i'm not actually as clever as i had hoped' thoughts, i immediately inserted the 'now wait a minute. you can do this.' thoughts.
and so, later, when the code was solved with a minimum of restructuring, i felt very very good indeed. someone was still boring holes in my eyes with some sort of tool. i'm not a man, so i don't know or care what the tool would be called, but something was working my eyes, i'm sure of it. but apart from the eye pain, i felt great. i AM smart enough to do that job. and i will keep enjoying the job until such time as i attract that way to stay home with my kids and still have a great income. i'm sure it's coming.
however, it isn't alllllll roses.
i got home. and even though i did my daily gratitude journal, i was sleep-short-changed. so there were comments, and there was disappreciation. yes, i'm sorry, i know you all won't think it's a word, but i was disappreciated.
then there was some less than stellar behaviour from me. some ignoring, some shutting-some-cupboards-a-little-loudly.
but then, after the last kid had been sent up to bed and cuddled, i had a bath. who knew that a bath could bring about such well-being! never, in the history of baths, has there been such a relaxing bath that didn't result in death. i emerged from that bath wholly rejuvenated! the eye pain went away. the tiredness went away. i had new ideas for stories!
and on the way upstairs, i even blessed my husband!
in my head.
so even though i had a substandard day, it was still great in that i managed to pull out a victory at work, and a return to form in the evening. this is my new bad! it's good!
and now, i think i shall begin the trend reversal, and start attracting back a good night's sleep.
now that's not to say there wasn't anything amazing that happened today. it's just that my idea of amazing may be divergent from my readers'.
i found that normally, when it feels like two different people are boring holes down through the middle of your eyes while you are merely trying to stare at your unfortunately bright monitor to work on the code you don't understand that much because you're tired, i am not all that happy. i mean, i have been happier. in fact, i can get downright obstreperous.
which is to say, the old me could.
new me, me-who-is-discovering-law-of-attaction, knows that
a) shouting things at the monitor attracts more of the bad feelings;
b) it doesn't actually make the code work; and
c) it is much nicer to just close my eyes. i don't have to be 100% on, 100% of the time. it's nice to, but not life-threatening.
and so, for me, it was amazing that i very calmly went about continuing to solve my code. and when i started to again have the 'oh it turns out i'm not actually as clever as i had hoped' thoughts, i immediately inserted the 'now wait a minute. you can do this.' thoughts.
and so, later, when the code was solved with a minimum of restructuring, i felt very very good indeed. someone was still boring holes in my eyes with some sort of tool. i'm not a man, so i don't know or care what the tool would be called, but something was working my eyes, i'm sure of it. but apart from the eye pain, i felt great. i AM smart enough to do that job. and i will keep enjoying the job until such time as i attract that way to stay home with my kids and still have a great income. i'm sure it's coming.
however, it isn't alllllll roses.
i got home. and even though i did my daily gratitude journal, i was sleep-short-changed. so there were comments, and there was disappreciation. yes, i'm sorry, i know you all won't think it's a word, but i was disappreciated.
then there was some less than stellar behaviour from me. some ignoring, some shutting-some-cupboards-a-little-loudly.
but then, after the last kid had been sent up to bed and cuddled, i had a bath. who knew that a bath could bring about such well-being! never, in the history of baths, has there been such a relaxing bath that didn't result in death. i emerged from that bath wholly rejuvenated! the eye pain went away. the tiredness went away. i had new ideas for stories!
and on the way upstairs, i even blessed my husband!
in my head.
so even though i had a substandard day, it was still great in that i managed to pull out a victory at work, and a return to form in the evening. this is my new bad! it's good!
and now, i think i shall begin the trend reversal, and start attracting back a good night's sleep.
Wednesday, 17 October 2007
i was answered!
the other day i asked 'any ideas' to the universe, regarding my friend-and-daughter dilemma.
yesterday, this was the quote on Abraham-Hicks website.
"The best thing you could do for anyone that you love, is be happy! And the very worst thing that you could do for anyone that you love, is be unhappy, and then ask them to to try to change it, when there is nothing that anybody else can do that will make you happy. If it is your dominant intent to hold yourself in vibrational harmony with who you really are, you could never offer any action that would cause anybody else to be unhappy. --- Abraham"
how totally awesome is that. i had to say to myself, "self, duh!" then i said "hey thanks! that's awesome, and feels so good."
okay, but i'm going to look a tad silly when she says to me "oh do believe she did this!" and i just sit there, being happy. that will probably be quite awkward, unless i say "hey what's that over there?" a lot more. she's quite clever, though, and i think she will catch on to that rather quickly.
but i CAN set this intention forth right now : when the subject comes up, i will have the perfect way to make light of it. this friend has a great sense of humour, and i have diffused other situations with humour. so be it now with this issue.
========
here's something fun i just did. i didn't mean to do it, i just did it. or rather, it just did itself while i was sitting there. ANYWAY, look at yourself five years ago, in your mind. hold it for a moment, the fireplace, the bookshelf, the dinner. now open your eyes and see what *today* is. very different, isn't it?
now do this: look at yourself five years from now. look at the fantastic thing you will have. the book you will be reading, but look at it as if it is the now you were looking back from in the previous exercise. make your future self be your now self. THAT is fun! and what a glimpse into your manifested life! unless you accidentally visualized hamburgers that eat people. that would not be a great future. leave that be.
and now i'm going to manifest me some sleep. :)
yesterday, this was the quote on Abraham-Hicks website.
"The best thing you could do for anyone that you love, is be happy! And the very worst thing that you could do for anyone that you love, is be unhappy, and then ask them to to try to change it, when there is nothing that anybody else can do that will make you happy. If it is your dominant intent to hold yourself in vibrational harmony with who you really are, you could never offer any action that would cause anybody else to be unhappy. --- Abraham"
how totally awesome is that. i had to say to myself, "self, duh!" then i said "hey thanks! that's awesome, and feels so good."
okay, but i'm going to look a tad silly when she says to me "oh do believe she did this!" and i just sit there, being happy. that will probably be quite awkward, unless i say "hey what's that over there?" a lot more. she's quite clever, though, and i think she will catch on to that rather quickly.
but i CAN set this intention forth right now : when the subject comes up, i will have the perfect way to make light of it. this friend has a great sense of humour, and i have diffused other situations with humour. so be it now with this issue.
========
here's something fun i just did. i didn't mean to do it, i just did it. or rather, it just did itself while i was sitting there. ANYWAY, look at yourself five years ago, in your mind. hold it for a moment, the fireplace, the bookshelf, the dinner. now open your eyes and see what *today* is. very different, isn't it?
now do this: look at yourself five years from now. look at the fantastic thing you will have. the book you will be reading, but look at it as if it is the now you were looking back from in the previous exercise. make your future self be your now self. THAT is fun! and what a glimpse into your manifested life! unless you accidentally visualized hamburgers that eat people. that would not be a great future. leave that be.
and now i'm going to manifest me some sleep. :)
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
how do you spell relief
i listened to "The Astonishing Power of Emotions" cd again today. i felt it sink deeper into my brain, and carried the message further into the day. i really felt relaxed mostly. one of the main messages of the cd is
let go
i have been trying all month to focus on abundance, particularly in the face of a certain bill that i'm not going to draw more energy to, and a certain balance that i won't draw more energy to. yesterday i was trying to interpret the data differently.
but that was the problem.
i was trying. as the cd says, trying is upstream.
today, i let go, and felt the relief of not paddling.
for starters, the relief feels really good. really really good.
but also, with the relief comes more amazing things. like things at work that make sense all of a sudden.
AND
second opinions from different weight watcher people. no, crazy monday night person, i did not run in a 10k and then put on 2.5 pounds. it just did not happen that way. this was verified by lovely tuesday night person. woo hoo!
AND
fairly large amounts of money coming into my experience. we got a very large cheque today (THANK YOU! WOO HOO!), which wipes out the need for me to try any interpreting or visualizing or anything. only relaxed visualizations from now on! i'm not even going to try! i'm just going to relax into my happiness.
i also got a little birthday money (MORE THANKS AND MORE WOO HOO!!!) today.
it's TRUE ms. langmeier, money comes easily and frequently!
and all i had to do was let go!
i also had a realization tonight. i walked up to the shop around the corner. with the kiddos. it was raining a bit, and we didn't care. i didn't make a big issue out of them going to catch colds. i never really believed that getting wet would make you catch a cold, otherwise bath days would be tricky, and swimming wouldn't be as fun. what was fun was walking there in the rain with my kiddies. whenever m2 would stomp a puddle, i'd say "stop that!" in a mock voice that would make them both giggle. it was the most fun a walk to the shop could be. the realization is that instead of wishing my life away to finding myself at the gates of abundance, i should be enjoying the absolute h£ll out of these moments. THEY feel really good. they are why i had children, what i wanted out of life. well half : truth be told i wanted to be rich and have kids. halfway there!
i am halfway there.
OHHHH yes, there should be a funny bit. my posts have been not-as-funny recently, and although the point *isn't* to be funny, i just like it better when we're all entertained. SO, how about a combination of amazing and funny?
i meant to call mom (hi mom) because i am bored bored BORED of her not getting my emails, so i set a web-based one up for her. dialled the number. strangely, my husband answers. husband! what are you doing at my mother's house?! oh, wait, that was *my* number. hi husband!
"sorry, i dialled the wrong number."
"no, you didn't."
"okay, i didn't. hi! how are you?"
"fine. do you want the good news or the bad news?"
okay, my reaction to this is key. LOA responds to your vibrational response to things. so i think "well, i can calm myself to prepare, and receive the bad news and get it out of the way. but wait. i'm the kind of person that likes good news first now. let's go for that. but wait. if i get the good news first, then i only have bad news left. but wait. the bad news won't matter because i'm going to respond appropriately. oh criminently, just get the news!"
"give me the good news."
"i'm going to give you the bad news first."
okay. then the amazing. i prepare to NOT react to whatever it is he is going to say. it just will be what it will be.
"i bought a lottery ticket today and did not win."
"that's the bad news?"
"yes. the good news is we got a large cheque in the post."
how utterly fantastic is that. my husband, who has been starring in my gratitude journal (thanks v!), has given me fantastic bad news and fantastic good news. i had thought that maybe i should tell him exactly what constitutes bad news, but then i realized he gave me a completely wonderful gift. he gave me perspective. the next time ANYONE says they have bad news for me, i'm going to picture my husband with a losing lottery ticket. that is fantastic. because it is not bad at all. it's fantastically moot. that's how i'd like all my bad news to be in future - inane. YAY for mediocrity! woo hoo for insignificance! i love you!
i LOVE letting go!
let go
i have been trying all month to focus on abundance, particularly in the face of a certain bill that i'm not going to draw more energy to, and a certain balance that i won't draw more energy to. yesterday i was trying to interpret the data differently.
but that was the problem.
i was trying. as the cd says, trying is upstream.
today, i let go, and felt the relief of not paddling.
for starters, the relief feels really good. really really good.
but also, with the relief comes more amazing things. like things at work that make sense all of a sudden.
AND
second opinions from different weight watcher people. no, crazy monday night person, i did not run in a 10k and then put on 2.5 pounds. it just did not happen that way. this was verified by lovely tuesday night person. woo hoo!
AND
fairly large amounts of money coming into my experience. we got a very large cheque today (THANK YOU! WOO HOO!), which wipes out the need for me to try any interpreting or visualizing or anything. only relaxed visualizations from now on! i'm not even going to try! i'm just going to relax into my happiness.
i also got a little birthday money (MORE THANKS AND MORE WOO HOO!!!) today.
it's TRUE ms. langmeier, money comes easily and frequently!
and all i had to do was let go!
i also had a realization tonight. i walked up to the shop around the corner. with the kiddos. it was raining a bit, and we didn't care. i didn't make a big issue out of them going to catch colds. i never really believed that getting wet would make you catch a cold, otherwise bath days would be tricky, and swimming wouldn't be as fun. what was fun was walking there in the rain with my kiddies. whenever m2 would stomp a puddle, i'd say "stop that!" in a mock voice that would make them both giggle. it was the most fun a walk to the shop could be. the realization is that instead of wishing my life away to finding myself at the gates of abundance, i should be enjoying the absolute h£ll out of these moments. THEY feel really good. they are why i had children, what i wanted out of life. well half : truth be told i wanted to be rich and have kids. halfway there!
i am halfway there.
OHHHH yes, there should be a funny bit. my posts have been not-as-funny recently, and although the point *isn't* to be funny, i just like it better when we're all entertained. SO, how about a combination of amazing and funny?
i meant to call mom (hi mom) because i am bored bored BORED of her not getting my emails, so i set a web-based one up for her. dialled the number. strangely, my husband answers. husband! what are you doing at my mother's house?! oh, wait, that was *my* number. hi husband!
"sorry, i dialled the wrong number."
"no, you didn't."
"okay, i didn't. hi! how are you?"
"fine. do you want the good news or the bad news?"
okay, my reaction to this is key. LOA responds to your vibrational response to things. so i think "well, i can calm myself to prepare, and receive the bad news and get it out of the way. but wait. i'm the kind of person that likes good news first now. let's go for that. but wait. if i get the good news first, then i only have bad news left. but wait. the bad news won't matter because i'm going to respond appropriately. oh criminently, just get the news!"
"give me the good news."
"i'm going to give you the bad news first."
okay. then the amazing. i prepare to NOT react to whatever it is he is going to say. it just will be what it will be.
"i bought a lottery ticket today and did not win."
"that's the bad news?"
"yes. the good news is we got a large cheque in the post."
how utterly fantastic is that. my husband, who has been starring in my gratitude journal (thanks v!), has given me fantastic bad news and fantastic good news. i had thought that maybe i should tell him exactly what constitutes bad news, but then i realized he gave me a completely wonderful gift. he gave me perspective. the next time ANYONE says they have bad news for me, i'm going to picture my husband with a losing lottery ticket. that is fantastic. because it is not bad at all. it's fantastically moot. that's how i'd like all my bad news to be in future - inane. YAY for mediocrity! woo hoo for insignificance! i love you!
i LOVE letting go!
Monday, 15 October 2007
dropping the oars
today had some amazing moments.
to start off with, driving to work, i popped *out* 'The Secret' cd. and i popped *in* 'The
Astonishing Power of Emotions'. i like to mix it up a bit, so that i don't become complacent and
get sloppy by not really listening to something that i just hear over and
over.
the story of jerry and esther putting their boat in the river really
resonated with me today. they went white-water rafting in colorado, and compared it to law of attraction. you can work your butt off paddling upstream, or you can just feel good and let the current take you to where you want to go.
it occurred to me that i'm trying all this stuff WAY too hard. i'm wanting all the abundance and all the home stuff to change now. i'm paddling upstream! i decided that i'm going to just let go. i'm going to just feel good and that's that. sure, i want stuff. i will still launch, as abraham says, the 'little rockets of desire'. but i'm going to try to stop paddling. in fact, trying is paddling, so i'm not going to try. i'm just going to stop paddling. she says.
well, today at work, it was almost like magic. there was a program i was working on, and all my paddling wasn't making the dang thing work properly. i had even lost some code i was working on, when i was trying to synchronize my files with the group's files. and i was getting close to being annoyed, which really wasn't going to make it work properly. so i stopped. i did something that made me feel good. and i just sat there feeling good for awhile. i think i went to a few funny websites, and i think i imagined some things i wanted.
i went back to the code. that code i lost? it was there.
as
if
by
magic!
the other thing that happened today that was really weird was that there was this animation that a co-worker showed us. it's of a spinning dancer. if you saw it as spinning clockwise, you're right brained, apparently. if you saw it as anti-clockwise, you're left brained. of course, genius was assigned to those who saw both.
well the boys all saw the counter-clockwise one. and a couple of them flipped back and forth. i saw only clockwise. not wanting to be the only non-genius on the software team, i jokingly said 'you are just teasing me, you don't see it counter-clockwise at all!' they all giggled.
i sat at my desk, and just smiled at the animation.
oh
my
goodness:
i SAW it counter-clockwise!! i couldn't believe it. it was so weird! if you've ever had a moment where you were totally disoriented, it was very similar to that. i am starting to have more and more of those perspective-shifts, and i am loving them.
and maybe,
just maybe,
i am a genius too!
then i got to lunch. and it struck me. i saw what i *wanted* to see. which way was the truth? they both were. it's a 2d image series, and our brains interpret it whatever way we want to. that means i can interpret things the way i want to. up to recently, i have been interpreting my life a certain way. and while that was okay, i'm now starting to interpret life in a new way, and things are moving towards my new perspective. this idea from 'The Secret' cds that you must 'feel the feeling of having it now' is possible if you realize that you can interpret life the way you want to.
financially, this is not the best month we've had so far. i have been struggling to see myself as abundant this month. however, let's compare it to when i was first out of college. is the amount we have right now comparatively abundant? heck yeah! good lord i've got a ton of money! i thought about this on the way home. and when i *got* home, i had a pound in my pocket that i am unable to explain. i had no pound earlier today. i got money out of the cash machine, but never broke the paper. so by all rights, i should have no change. yet, there it was. i got a pound! i'm rich! yay!
money is flowing to me quickly and easily; and
i am a genius.
that's a good day.
and yes, one of these days i will get this post done early enough that i can do proper links in the message. my bad.
to start off with, driving to work, i popped *out* 'The Secret' cd. and i popped *in* 'The
Astonishing Power of Emotions'. i like to mix it up a bit, so that i don't become complacent and
get sloppy by not really listening to something that i just hear over and
over.
the story of jerry and esther putting their boat in the river really
resonated with me today. they went white-water rafting in colorado, and compared it to law of attraction. you can work your butt off paddling upstream, or you can just feel good and let the current take you to where you want to go.
it occurred to me that i'm trying all this stuff WAY too hard. i'm wanting all the abundance and all the home stuff to change now. i'm paddling upstream! i decided that i'm going to just let go. i'm going to just feel good and that's that. sure, i want stuff. i will still launch, as abraham says, the 'little rockets of desire'. but i'm going to try to stop paddling. in fact, trying is paddling, so i'm not going to try. i'm just going to stop paddling. she says.
well, today at work, it was almost like magic. there was a program i was working on, and all my paddling wasn't making the dang thing work properly. i had even lost some code i was working on, when i was trying to synchronize my files with the group's files. and i was getting close to being annoyed, which really wasn't going to make it work properly. so i stopped. i did something that made me feel good. and i just sat there feeling good for awhile. i think i went to a few funny websites, and i think i imagined some things i wanted.
i went back to the code. that code i lost? it was there.
as
if
by
magic!
the other thing that happened today that was really weird was that there was this animation that a co-worker showed us. it's of a spinning dancer. if you saw it as spinning clockwise, you're right brained, apparently. if you saw it as anti-clockwise, you're left brained. of course, genius was assigned to those who saw both.
well the boys all saw the counter-clockwise one. and a couple of them flipped back and forth. i saw only clockwise. not wanting to be the only non-genius on the software team, i jokingly said 'you are just teasing me, you don't see it counter-clockwise at all!' they all giggled.
i sat at my desk, and just smiled at the animation.
oh
my
goodness:
i SAW it counter-clockwise!! i couldn't believe it. it was so weird! if you've ever had a moment where you were totally disoriented, it was very similar to that. i am starting to have more and more of those perspective-shifts, and i am loving them.
and maybe,
just maybe,
i am a genius too!
then i got to lunch. and it struck me. i saw what i *wanted* to see. which way was the truth? they both were. it's a 2d image series, and our brains interpret it whatever way we want to. that means i can interpret things the way i want to. up to recently, i have been interpreting my life a certain way. and while that was okay, i'm now starting to interpret life in a new way, and things are moving towards my new perspective. this idea from 'The Secret' cds that you must 'feel the feeling of having it now' is possible if you realize that you can interpret life the way you want to.
financially, this is not the best month we've had so far. i have been struggling to see myself as abundant this month. however, let's compare it to when i was first out of college. is the amount we have right now comparatively abundant? heck yeah! good lord i've got a ton of money! i thought about this on the way home. and when i *got* home, i had a pound in my pocket that i am unable to explain. i had no pound earlier today. i got money out of the cash machine, but never broke the paper. so by all rights, i should have no change. yet, there it was. i got a pound! i'm rich! yay!
money is flowing to me quickly and easily; and
i am a genius.
that's a good day.
and yes, one of these days i will get this post done early enough that i can do proper links in the message. my bad.
Sunday, 14 October 2007
you win some, you don't finish some
all i had to do was not have that 1st glass of wine.
all i had to do was not have that 2nd glass of wine.
all i (hic) had to do was (hic) not have that 3rd glass of wine.
all i (hic) had to do was what are you lookin' at.
yes, it was 10k race day today. how did i prepare? well i had a nice dinner at my friend's house the evening before. we had a simply lovely time. kids all played quietly, men all watched rugby quietly, women all joked loudly and made fun of the rugby and then talked about the french rugby players as if our husbands weren't in the room.
but we were home a bit early, so i thought "hey no problem!" i downed a pill and a big glass of water, and then went to bed. i had the intention not to throw up all night. then i had the intention to get to the race on time. i have had the intention for weeks to do the race in 1:05.
ha
ha
ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha!
oh boy.
it was actually quite fine, i was just a little tired, as could be seen from the state of the hair i forgot to brush before pony-tailing. was i ever a cutie!
i was a little slower than i'd hoped i'd be on the day, but i did make it around to the 4k mark happily enough.
then there was the hill.
up we went.
we kept going up.
and up.
still kept going up, passing angels as we did. i finally decide about .2 mile later that i'm done running uphill because i like me a lot. so i get passed by a few people, no biggie. more and more people are doing as i do, because did i mention it was a steeeeeeep hill. almost evil in nature, if i believed in evil anymore. let's say i prefer not-so-steep hills. i'd like to attract some more flatness in my life.
FINALLY! THE TOP! and i think "wa hey! time to make up some time!" and i'm jogging my little heart out, always one step away from wiping-out big time. the only way i could go faster was on a sled, which would have been fun. i was going so fast having so much fun that i forgot i have that knee thing. that knee thing that i really should stop attracting. well, i get to the bottom, passing all those lovely people who passed me on the way up. ha HA! take that! yeah, i saw ya!
another 2k, and we have a marginal incline again. well, i am done with inclines, says me. so i walk a bit. then i hear a 'pop'. "hmmm. that's an odd pain-accompanied noise for my knee to make!" but i thought little of it until i start to pick up the pace again. the knee haaaaates that. so i slow to an i-could-walk-faster jog. i can maintain this for about another .2 mile.
then the tummy goes. yes, that would be the wine making its way through my bottom region. OR someone is pounding me in the gut, please would they stop that. so i walk so as not to have a shoulda-worna-diaper-incident. another .1 mile and instead of 'pop', my knee goes "TAKE THAT YOU COW!!!!" well that just wasn't very nice at all. people are slowing, asking "are you okay?" and thank you to the person who offered to walk with me, but i really was okay apart from the busted knee. i told her to go on and finish her race, and i hobbled up to the 7k mark.
it was another 1k i had to walk before i was back near the exit point. i reflected. i didn't feel bad. in fact, i felt pretty good! what had i wanted out of today? i just wanted a fun day where i had a run. did i have to finish in order to make the day a success? no. my good god but there was some magnificent scenery at this place. it was a country park, and although it wasn't in the middle of nowhere, it was a neighbour to something that was. so i just enjoyed my walk back to the finish area, loving that i still had a pretty fantastic day, even though i didn't finish. the course is two laps of a route. i did the first lap in 40 minutes, probably would have done it in less if there was no hill, but i'm happy enough.
my friend's husband, who i hadn't met before but he'd said "go holly!" earlier in the race, was there, and i said "you must be mark! i'm holly, and i'm done!" so he and my friend's mother and what i think was my friend's daughter's (also running) boyfriend waited for my friend together. i had a fun time with them.
what does any of this have to do with law of attraction?
well, old holly, let's call her holly: BLOA (before law-of-attraction) would have really been upset about the not-finishing issue. holly:ALOA had a really nice day.
also, on the drive home, i noticed i'm starting to get in the habit of segment intending because i was thinking how much my husband would be happy enough for me when i got home. not only did he understand, but later he helped make dinner! woo hoo! i love my new life. and i think it's only going to get better.
i know it's only going to get better.
but in future, i think i'll be attracting only flat courses for racing on.
and fewer race-eve glasses of wine. . .
all i had to do was not have that 2nd glass of wine.
all i (hic) had to do was (hic) not have that 3rd glass of wine.
all i (hic) had to do was what are you lookin' at.
yes, it was 10k race day today. how did i prepare? well i had a nice dinner at my friend's house the evening before. we had a simply lovely time. kids all played quietly, men all watched rugby quietly, women all joked loudly and made fun of the rugby and then talked about the french rugby players as if our husbands weren't in the room.
but we were home a bit early, so i thought "hey no problem!" i downed a pill and a big glass of water, and then went to bed. i had the intention not to throw up all night. then i had the intention to get to the race on time. i have had the intention for weeks to do the race in 1:05.
ha
ha
ha
ha ha ha ha ha ha!
oh boy.
it was actually quite fine, i was just a little tired, as could be seen from the state of the hair i forgot to brush before pony-tailing. was i ever a cutie!
i was a little slower than i'd hoped i'd be on the day, but i did make it around to the 4k mark happily enough.
then there was the hill.
up we went.
we kept going up.
and up.
still kept going up, passing angels as we did. i finally decide about .2 mile later that i'm done running uphill because i like me a lot. so i get passed by a few people, no biggie. more and more people are doing as i do, because did i mention it was a steeeeeeep hill. almost evil in nature, if i believed in evil anymore. let's say i prefer not-so-steep hills. i'd like to attract some more flatness in my life.
FINALLY! THE TOP! and i think "wa hey! time to make up some time!" and i'm jogging my little heart out, always one step away from wiping-out big time. the only way i could go faster was on a sled, which would have been fun. i was going so fast having so much fun that i forgot i have that knee thing. that knee thing that i really should stop attracting. well, i get to the bottom, passing all those lovely people who passed me on the way up. ha HA! take that! yeah, i saw ya!
another 2k, and we have a marginal incline again. well, i am done with inclines, says me. so i walk a bit. then i hear a 'pop'. "hmmm. that's an odd pain-accompanied noise for my knee to make!" but i thought little of it until i start to pick up the pace again. the knee haaaaates that. so i slow to an i-could-walk-faster jog. i can maintain this for about another .2 mile.
then the tummy goes. yes, that would be the wine making its way through my bottom region. OR someone is pounding me in the gut, please would they stop that. so i walk so as not to have a shoulda-worna-diaper-incident. another .1 mile and instead of 'pop', my knee goes "TAKE THAT YOU COW!!!!" well that just wasn't very nice at all. people are slowing, asking "are you okay?" and thank you to the person who offered to walk with me, but i really was okay apart from the busted knee. i told her to go on and finish her race, and i hobbled up to the 7k mark.
it was another 1k i had to walk before i was back near the exit point. i reflected. i didn't feel bad. in fact, i felt pretty good! what had i wanted out of today? i just wanted a fun day where i had a run. did i have to finish in order to make the day a success? no. my good god but there was some magnificent scenery at this place. it was a country park, and although it wasn't in the middle of nowhere, it was a neighbour to something that was. so i just enjoyed my walk back to the finish area, loving that i still had a pretty fantastic day, even though i didn't finish. the course is two laps of a route. i did the first lap in 40 minutes, probably would have done it in less if there was no hill, but i'm happy enough.
my friend's husband, who i hadn't met before but he'd said "go holly!" earlier in the race, was there, and i said "you must be mark! i'm holly, and i'm done!" so he and my friend's mother and what i think was my friend's daughter's (also running) boyfriend waited for my friend together. i had a fun time with them.
what does any of this have to do with law of attraction?
well, old holly, let's call her holly: BLOA (before law-of-attraction) would have really been upset about the not-finishing issue. holly:ALOA had a really nice day.
also, on the drive home, i noticed i'm starting to get in the habit of segment intending because i was thinking how much my husband would be happy enough for me when i got home. not only did he understand, but later he helped make dinner! woo hoo! i love my new life. and i think it's only going to get better.
i know it's only going to get better.
but in future, i think i'll be attracting only flat courses for racing on.
and fewer race-eve glasses of wine. . .
Saturday, 13 October 2007
once you start down the path. . .
part of who i was came out today:
i have a friend who lives around the corner. the friendship was orchestrated through daughters in the same class. they are 8. 8 year olds have issues. i dearly love this friend, but am challenged by the divergent parenting philosophies we have. granted, mine are evolving, because of LOA, but still, they are heading in a new direction. don't get me wrong, i still want the bloody room tidied, and i still want the bedtime adhered to. however, i'm not hung up on them like i used to be. and i am slowly - this is the real challenge - changing my thoughts on my daughter's friend.
this friend is very influential, and sometimes it has a negative effect on the other girls in the class. my friend's daughter very often suffers the brunt of this influence. additionally, i see my sweet lovely jewel of a daughter changing in ways i'm not sure i adore. so i have an intention. the only way i can achieve a holistic joyful life is to:
a) see this other girl - whose mother is also my friend - as someone who is good and wonderful; and
b) (ultimately) let my daughter attract her friendship experiences how she will.
this means i need to forget that this girl tried to sneak my game system out of our house. it is highly possible that i completely misinterpreted that situation. it is also possible that pigs can fly.
i need to, as they say on The Secret cds, praise and bless this gal when i see her, instead of suspiciously wondering what it is that she is whispering to my daughter about.
yes, it can be done. i am the little mother that could. i think i can i think i can.
i need to hug my daughter more. one day this other girl might just push her luck too far with my daughter, and my lovely girl will need someone to turn to. i'll be that one.
but the bit that i was referring to before, the person i used to be, took my friend to starbucks today
to talk about the situation
because she is upset about the most recent events. oh if michael losier knew i had done that, i might get a slap on the wrist. no no no no no, holly!
i want to take my friend and say "let go! you have to let go! there isn't anything you can do about this!" but *i* have to let go of wanting to do that. oy! so many things to let go of!
now for my efforts, i got a severe headache. i told husband and friend that it was due to not eating properly today. i know, i really know, that it was because i have been really trying to LIVE LOA properly, and today was *not* a L-O-A day at all. well, for a few hours it wasn't.
actually on the whole, it was a good day. they all are these days. i came across a resource i need for my writing (yes, ma, got that magazine we talked about). got some long-time-a-comin' attention from my husband. had a fantastic evening with friends. it's all very very good.
but as i was ridding myself of the headache, all i could think was "okay, okay, okay, i won't do that again."
now, the challenge. we are extremely good friends. i now must come up with a way to not talk about it, but yet not seem callous when the subject comes up. hmmm... any answers, universe?
but a big thank you to the universe - it tapped me on the shoulder when i was contemplating revealing information to my friend that would only have been hurtful.
but really, motherhood in and of itself makes trying LOA look like a piece of cake! if i can get this kid to adulthood - NO : WHEN i get this kid AND her brother to adulthood - with my sanity still in tact, i can do ANYthing. :)
at times like this, i reflect on a phrase on the abraham-hicks site : all is well, it really is!
i really feel that now that i have tried so earnestly to transform my life to one that is in tune with the LOA philosophy, anything that isn't in harmony with these ideas really hits me hard. it hit me today : there is NO going back. this is my life now. i love it, and the things that i have to leave behind are things i don't really want anyway.
[and then, just before she hit the submit button, she got her answer.]
yes, tomorrow, i will gratitude journal & pray rain journal my butt off!
i have a friend who lives around the corner. the friendship was orchestrated through daughters in the same class. they are 8. 8 year olds have issues. i dearly love this friend, but am challenged by the divergent parenting philosophies we have. granted, mine are evolving, because of LOA, but still, they are heading in a new direction. don't get me wrong, i still want the bloody room tidied, and i still want the bedtime adhered to. however, i'm not hung up on them like i used to be. and i am slowly - this is the real challenge - changing my thoughts on my daughter's friend.
this friend is very influential, and sometimes it has a negative effect on the other girls in the class. my friend's daughter very often suffers the brunt of this influence. additionally, i see my sweet lovely jewel of a daughter changing in ways i'm not sure i adore. so i have an intention. the only way i can achieve a holistic joyful life is to:
a) see this other girl - whose mother is also my friend - as someone who is good and wonderful; and
b) (ultimately) let my daughter attract her friendship experiences how she will.
this means i need to forget that this girl tried to sneak my game system out of our house. it is highly possible that i completely misinterpreted that situation. it is also possible that pigs can fly.
i need to, as they say on The Secret cds, praise and bless this gal when i see her, instead of suspiciously wondering what it is that she is whispering to my daughter about.
yes, it can be done. i am the little mother that could. i think i can i think i can.
i need to hug my daughter more. one day this other girl might just push her luck too far with my daughter, and my lovely girl will need someone to turn to. i'll be that one.
but the bit that i was referring to before, the person i used to be, took my friend to starbucks today
to talk about the situation
because she is upset about the most recent events. oh if michael losier knew i had done that, i might get a slap on the wrist. no no no no no, holly!
i want to take my friend and say "let go! you have to let go! there isn't anything you can do about this!" but *i* have to let go of wanting to do that. oy! so many things to let go of!
now for my efforts, i got a severe headache. i told husband and friend that it was due to not eating properly today. i know, i really know, that it was because i have been really trying to LIVE LOA properly, and today was *not* a L-O-A day at all. well, for a few hours it wasn't.
actually on the whole, it was a good day. they all are these days. i came across a resource i need for my writing (yes, ma, got that magazine we talked about). got some long-time-a-comin' attention from my husband. had a fantastic evening with friends. it's all very very good.
but as i was ridding myself of the headache, all i could think was "okay, okay, okay, i won't do that again."
now, the challenge. we are extremely good friends. i now must come up with a way to not talk about it, but yet not seem callous when the subject comes up. hmmm... any answers, universe?
but a big thank you to the universe - it tapped me on the shoulder when i was contemplating revealing information to my friend that would only have been hurtful.
but really, motherhood in and of itself makes trying LOA look like a piece of cake! if i can get this kid to adulthood - NO : WHEN i get this kid AND her brother to adulthood - with my sanity still in tact, i can do ANYthing. :)
at times like this, i reflect on a phrase on the abraham-hicks site : all is well, it really is!
i really feel that now that i have tried so earnestly to transform my life to one that is in tune with the LOA philosophy, anything that isn't in harmony with these ideas really hits me hard. it hit me today : there is NO going back. this is my life now. i love it, and the things that i have to leave behind are things i don't really want anyway.
[and then, just before she hit the submit button, she got her answer.]
yes, tomorrow, i will gratitude journal & pray rain journal my butt off!
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