children : the ultimate progress test

today nearly ended without something for me to write about. it would have been a perfectly fine day, just a good-feeling quiet day. i thought 'okay, maybe i'll just skip this one night's journal entry.'

then my daughter's bedtime came. and went. but she never went
(to bed).

i appreciate (bold because i mean it to the extent of the LOA meaning) that my son goes to bed so easily. but that easiness is, for now, down to his bed being an inescapable cot. but i do really appreciate that he does seem to usually understand quite quickly that we're not going to come every time he cries, so he just gets on with putting himself to sleep. lovely boy.

anyway, i had just come out of a lovely bath where i just sat there enjoying being instead of doing. i was extremely chilled, much more so than with just a normal relaxing bath. it's a bath-plus!

so i head upstairs, and peek in on her to see what her progress is. she is standing in the middle of the room. she turns to look at me with fright.

every time i see that look i think 'oh kid, you don't know what angry is - i am MILD!' of course i never say that to her.

but i also know from that look that all is not well in her vicinity.

i am too chilled to get angry, and really am discovering these last couple of weeks that i prefer not being angry. angry has yet to accomplish anything anyway. so i say to her "okay, what's up?"

"i was drinking water and accidentally spit some out and now there's water everywhere."

...i was not born yesterday, that sounds fishy. but i look around her bed, where she pointed, and assessed the damage. mildly wet pillow. big deal, so i get a new pillow. then the real mess catches my eye. there is a series of receptacles, for water and otherwise, sitting on one of the shelves above her bed. i recognize one as a spray bottle i specifically asked her to keep in the bathroom. now it is filled to the brim with a funny shade of water, and bubbles. next to it is a cinderella carriage toy. it is bowl shaped, and now filled with bubbly water. then there is the original source of the water, a water bottle, empty but for a few bubbles in the bottom. i don't want to laugh, because i need her to know i don't want her to do this again. but i want to laugh because i just keep wondering what the series of events was that brought us to this moment. what goes on in that head?!

"m*, i'm not angry. i promise not to get angry. but i would like you to tell me what actually happened." this is merely an exercise for me to firstly practice actually not getting upset at what she's going to tell me, but also so that she starts to really realize she can come to me when she has a problem. that might come in handy later, so i'm told.

"i can't tell you."

i think fast. "can you write it down while i go get some towels?"

suddenly, a sparkle in the eyes of a girl who loves to write. "yes, i could do that!"

i return with towels, and get to work, while she reads me the story.

"i was trying to empty the water bottle, to throw it away. it spilled all over." i sigh, inwardly; that is extremely brief and probably not even half of what happened. i suddenly realize this could take all night, and i don't want that, my bed is so close to me being in it. so i just tell her that i would not like to have a repeat of this incident, and as soon as i clean up the water, she should be at least half asleep. at this stage of the game i'm not quite ready to 'magnetize' good bedtime habits for my daughter, so i tell her that there will be 8 pm bedtimes all week if she doesn't sleep now. she normally goes at 8:30. no, really 8:45, no really 9.... ish. okay, by the time i'm done telling her to go to sleep it's 10.30 there, i've said it.

and off i go. i'm really really feeling good about that. i still feel good because i haven't given over to anger, and hopefully i've brought my daughter one step closer to feeling good about communication when things like this happen. i'm not going to illustrate just how different this situation is compared to even a few weeks ago, because i don't want to give it energy. but suffice it to say that it is a drastic change. the lack of shouting alone is noteworthy. it's not perfect, but it's going in that direction. that in and of itself, is wonderful.

oh, actually something mildly fantastic *did* happen today. i was at borders / starbucks, my favorite place. i told myself that i could go there without buying anything. i *can* afford anything in borders (affirmation warning), i just *choose not to buy anything until tomorrow when my abundant paycheck goes in the bank. but i saw 'the astonishing power of emotions'. ooooh i really wanted that. and it was £2 off! that's just begging me to get it. i have the cash in my pocket. there is nothing at all to stop me from buying it. i tell myself my husband won't be upset that i've spent the money, and claim it as mine. i had really wanted this book to put itself in my hands, and it has just done that. niiiiice.

i'm off to read it now. bye!

*name shortened to one letter to protect the 'innocent'.