today, bras, tomorrow, the world

now that i have mostly achieved my pre-pregnancy weight, there is a whole pile of lingerie waiting to be worn again. hey, when a woman finds a good bra, it's fantastic. there, i've said it.

but i could not remember for the life of me where i'd put them during 'the big move'. many would argue that my luggage would have been the most logical place. however, at the time of moving, i was already 5 months pregnant, and wanting the garments to retain their loveliness, so i obviously had done something clever with them, but that could have been nearly anything.

i have been thinking how much i'd love to have them again, really to the extent of not shopping for their replacements - i doubt i could find any as good as these (they really are lovely - they're satin!).

fast forward to today. 'tis a cold day here in cardiff, and winter is 'a'comin'. so my husband asks me where the blankets are. i point to a cupboard. he gets out a blanket that i'd packed in a 'space bag' to keep out the hawaiian critters. i had no need for a blanket in hawaii, so the blanket, a keepsake from a very dear friend of mine, stayed in the bag for four years. it holds a very special place in my heart, so when he asked if he could give it to our daughter, i was about to say 'no, you're not giving that one to m*, i don't want juice spilled on it.' however, i hesitated a moment, and felt like i should say yes. so i turned to him, and said 'yeah, okay.' so he unpacked the bag.

what was inSIDE the folded blanket?

wait for it. oh wait - you know! braaaaaas! yaaaaaayyyyy!

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and now, a follow up on the parenting.
the other day i made the statement to the effect that children are a sort of test with this law of attraction stuff.
boy howdy!

"okay it's 45 minutes past your bedtime, sweetheart. tonight, i'd prefer it if you went to bed quickly. no nonsense. no wait, i'd prefer efficiency. "

"okay."

"sorry, honey, that's your cue to move your cute little hind end up the stairs."

"oh, right."

"i mean now." (holly, just be calm)

"okay." danders over to the stairs. my granny used to walk quicker.

i go do the dishes. 10 minutes later, i go upstairs, to see why there has been no teeth-brushing or bathroom-going. my lovely daughter is sitting on her bed, still dressed from the day, reading a book. (holly, just be calm)

"wow. i thought i was pretty clear earlier about how much i wanted you to be quick. you're not even started. i am not going to get angry here, but you gotta get a move on. why are you reading?"

"you said i could read in bed." (holly, just be calm)

"aaaaahhh. yes, the definition i was using for 'in bed' was that you had done all your bedtime stuff and were in fact done for the day. do it now. let's have some quickness, or tomorrow you're going to bed earlier." (note to self : you may actually have to have her go to bed earlier tomorrow for this to be an effective persuasion tool).

i work on getting the clean clothes folded. another 10 minutes passes. i go down to check up on her in the bathroom. she's sitting. (holly, just be calm)

"okay, what is it?"

"well, you've got to put stuff on my foot."

"yes, let's get that done. then you really really really have to get going to bed."

i leave the bazooka-verruca-stuff to dry on her foot. i tidy up the toys and return to see why she is taking so long to get back upstairs. she is hiding in the wc. my eyes are drawn to soap all over the tub. "how did this get here," i ask, calmly but curious. she gives me a "i dunno" shoulder shrug, which means she knows. then she turns her head so i can see that she has put shampoo on a bit of her hair. (holly, just be calm) (holly, just be calm) (holly, just be calm)

i just sit on the side of the tub. "i really really really really don't believe it."

it gets boring here, what with the lack of spanking and the just washing the shampoo out of her hair, but i *think* i deserve a medal for not getting angry! pre-secret-holly would have shouted from the point of the reading in bed. i came all the way through that without shouting once! okay, i gratuitously used the word 'really', but i don't think any universe court will convict me on that. i feel tired, but tired - isn't that better than angry? i'd rather have tiredness than anger, i think.

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i am only writing this next bit as a journal entry. i feel like i shouldn't give it too much more energy, but i would like to compare myself in the future to where i am now. the future me is going to be very different.

i am off-track in the magnetizing money area. i think i mentioned that there is a water bill coming this month. i am already working on my thoughts in this area because it is a 6-month bill (thank you, insane husband). i have told myself it's not necessary for us to not use any water from now until the bill comes. no 'if it's brown...' rules at the ireland household. i'm saying statements like "i have received 10 times the amount of the bill", and "the water bill will be reasonable, less than £xxx", and "i have more than enough money for that bill." i should say "i have more than enough money for that, bill" (the comma therefore transforming it from *a bill* to 'bill'. my friend bill, he would be really glad that i have more than enough money.)

but that is giving that bill energy, and i know it! i have to stop that. i am deliberately setting the intention tonight that the bill will be reasonable, then i'm going to forget about it.

additionally, we received word from the child credit agency. (explanation for any u.s. readers ...) in britain, you, in theory, receive a tax credit for each child you have. however, we seem to be constantly be paying back the agency's mistakes. i'd like to not have the dang thing at all. anyway, this word is that they have yet again made a mistake and we now owe them £200. i wasn't angry at hearing this, i didn't want to have any emotion with it. i did say out loud "no, they have made a mistake, and they will correct it." i said it to my husband, not in an angry way, just matter-of-factly that's-what-i-intend. he received it as my-crazy-wife-is-losing-the-plot.

the combination of these two items has REALLY thrown my vibrational alignment. i'm not connecting with source and not attracting anything. the last couple of days have been good, but not amazing, like last week. i want to go back to last week where everything was kick-a** amazing.

so now, i'm going to leave it to the universe to sort this out for me. i want to have money coming quickly and easily, and i'm going to ignore this. i know i can do this, i attracted a "we're not going to pursue this" from the traffic camera agency (oh that is a whole post in itself!).
so there. i've said it. i hereby am letting these things go, and i'm going to go feel good again. i'm going to feel good about spending money.

pardon me just a moment, i have to appreciate the fact that soon there will be no one playing hip hop music really loudly on our street.. . .
okay he's gone.

i even tried this exercise today. i picked up the paychecks for our department. as i was walking back to the department, i realized i was holding nearly a million pounds. that was pretty sparkly-cool! i pretended it was mine to give out. i was giving away most of a million pounds. THAT was awesome. surely what i give away must flow back.

to 'kick this up a notch' (always with the kicking of the notches...), i put up my vision board tonight. it is purple, and has as its first item a 'win a trip to disneyland' newspaper clipping on it. i have to send in tokens. i'm going to magnetize a trip to disneyland!

okay - now i have some sitting, feeling good to do. i think i'll do the re-play the day exercise to change that whole daughter-bedtime thing. i'm going to pretend the reason she couldn't get to bed quickly was that i was hugging her, and then she went straight to sleep. much nicer. and when *that* becomes my reality, someone should ready the heart-resuscitator.